Hi.:)

Like my blog for 2005, this is all stuff I originally posted on the message board from an old profile on another site.
This is most everything I posted in 2006. (Again, I skipped all the jokes I found in magazines or on the internet, short questions I asked, a few news stories, a few song lyrics and all the videos from YouTube I posted 'cause pretty much none of 'em are available anymore but, yep, this is most of it...:)



Okay, I know I said I was skipping all the jokes I posted but this is a really funny Christmas joke and the perfect end for this blog. I think if I could save one joke I put up in 2006, this is the one:)...(originally posted in late December, 2006)...

Christmas With Louise

A touching story of a sister doing something nice for her brother... As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids stockings were overflowing, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there for an hour saying things like, "What does this do?", "You're kidding me!", "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled on 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll," took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies, and drank a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and chuckled for couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Grandma," Jay, my brother said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later, I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants, and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

December 24, 2006

In The News Today: Cow Burps Pollute More Than Farts

A cow's farts contribute considerably to the earth's greenhouse effect but now a large international research project shows that it is 10 times worse when a cow burps. Professor Jørgen Madsen, in Denmark, explains why there are so large amounts of methane gas in cow burps: Cows burp because they have 3-4 kilos of microorganisms lying in their first stomach that are fermenting just like in a fermenting tank. On top of that, cows burp considerably more than they fart. Domestic animals contribute 18% to global warming. ------------------------- Ah yes...stop global warming. Kill a cow and eat it! Buy beef!! LOL McDonalds new slogan: Stop global warming! And have a burger!! Yep, just providing that all important news you really need to know before Christmas dinner. Enjoy your turkey or whatever you're having and revel in the fact that the animal you're consuming won't contribute ever again to global warming! Hell yeah, save the earth, eat a turkey!! Can't have those silly things running around farting and burping......(do turkeys burp LOL)... And, of course, humans are quite civilized and would never dream of burping...or farting... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

December 23, 2006

Wild Internet Stuff :P

Hee hee. Oh my God, like, wOw, the things you can do on the internet. I have my own channel now that broadcasts my clips 24 hours a day of me masturbating!!!! ROFLMAO Yeah, now let's see how long before I get banned. LOL I'm half expecting it. There is an "explicit content" filter but nobody else uploaded anything truly sexual there yet. I already know how it feels to be banned. I uploaded 2 clips on another site today and within minutes, I was banned. Oh well, whatever, I've gotten my videos out on a few sites now, thousands of people have seen me and now, now I have my own channel!!!!!! LOL. Less than 24 hours and my first 2 clips were each favorited twice! That's hOt!

December 12, 2006

Funny Things Kids Say :-)

Kids say some really funny stuff sometimes. It's been a long time now since I've played with any but at a few points in my life there were kids to play with. Many of my very best memories are just hanging out with kids and playing. There are, in particular, two little things that happened that I think of frequently. And they always make me smile or even laugh 'cause I think it's about the funniest stuff I ever heard. Just before I started going to college, my mom bought a really nice house on a tiny dead end street. Our house was the next to the last one at the top of a hill. I lived there with my mom and my younger brother. The college happened to be about a 10 minute walk away. (I don't have to mention it was just a little community college, do I?) When we were first moving in, there were these two girls from down the street that came snooping around. They knew the people that left and were all curious about who was moving in next. They were very bright and talkative. The smallest one, with long shiny light brown hair, was 3 years old. And the big sister, with beautiful long black hair, was 8. They were so cute. I was really hoping they'd keep coming around. Anyway, not long after we moved in, my brother got to be friends with them. One evening, my mom tells me to get my brother 'cause it was dinner time. I came over to their front lawn where they were playing. The girls were goofing around near the porch, pretending to be on stage and putting on a show. They had a box out with a couple of wigs and different props to use. They were excited I came down. Now they had someone else to watch them! They were sooo adorable, so energetic, so excited and so sweet. They liked me right away and I appreciated that so much. So, I hung out there for a bit. Until my mother starts yelling for both my brother and I to get home for dinner. Kind of embarrassing at my age then...but it seemed to be something the girls went through a lot too. They didn't see anything unusual about it. They were sad to see us go and begged us both to come back later if we could or the next day. And, so, that's how I got to be friends with them. That's the background story for what I'm getting to. Two little moments I'll always remember. Just so freaking funny! Maybe it goes in the category of "you had to be there", I don't know. We'll see. I'll tell each story and hopefully you'll laugh. One day, out in their front yard, my brother and I were down there again hanging out with the girls. It got to be a regular thing. Jenifer, the older one, who was 9 at the time, was just playing around bugging Stephanie, who was 4 years old then. Jenifer is hugging her sister and kissing her cheek and saying something about how much she loves her sister and how cute she is. Stephanie likes the attention but is totally embarrassed her sister is doing that in front of my brother and I. Stephanie smiles and giggles but is pushing her sister away. And Jenifer keeps on grabbing her, holding her and kissing her. Stephanie is looking at us in such a way that says, like, uh, my sister is totally crazy, out of her mind and I have no idea what's wrong with her. So funny! It goes on for a minute or two. Jenifer backs off when she sees her sister is getting more than a little irritated. Then they're both sitting there laughing. And Stephanie looks at her sister and says, with all the disgust she can muster up, "You lesmobean!!" Totally cracked me up! I mean, God, like, about the last thing you'd expect a four year old to ever mention is something about a lesbian. Where on earth would she even hear a word like that?! Well, she'd obviously heard it before but not enough to say it quite right. I guess she must've heard it from her sister. Anyway, there it is, that's one of the funniest things I ever heard! Another time...the four of us are at my mom's house in the kitchen. The girls were hungry, so we went to the kitchen to see what there was. We found some microwave popcorn and the girls were very interested in that. So, we're all rummaging around in the kitchen getting drinks and bowls and stuff. Jenifer tells Stephanie to put the popcorn bag in the microwave. But Stephanie couldn't reach it. However, she's smart and always absolutely insists on doing things on her own. She goes and gets a chair, comes back, climbs up on it and gets the bag in the microwave. Then she asks, like, now what? Jenifer sounds irritated and tells her to just shut the door and cook it. Stephanie shuts the door. Nothing happens. She asks her sister what to do. Jenifer says angrily to push the button. Stephanie, still standing on the chair looking so adorable, looks at all the buttons and is confused. She asks which one. Then Jenifer says something like, "God! Haven't you ever used a microwave before?!" Stephanie looks at her calmly and somehow manages to say this in such a superior intelligent factual way, "I'm only four!" Something about the way she said it...oh my God, totally cracked me up! Way fUnNy!!! Then my brother explained to her how to use the microwave. And she understood completely. Such a smart girl. I was constantly blown away by the depth of the things she thought about, the things she asked about and how much she understood. So incredible. Stephanie was the calmer one with such amazing intelligence. Soooo thoughtful and sweet. Oh gosh, total gorgeous cutie pie. Jenifer was unique, like her name with just one "n". She was always so bouncy and energetic, excited, talkative, the popular girl in school, the one who liked to be the leader, someone who talked to and gave attention to everyone she played with.. And everyone felt some special connection with her. She had lOtS of friends!!!!! (I met some of them, her girl friends that came over, and I got to play with them too.) Those girls were my best friends and I loved them with all my heart.

December 2, 2006

In The News Today: Parents Beat Daughter For Going Out

In Denmark, both parents were sentenced yesterday for having beaten their 26 year old daughter as a punishment for going out at night and having visits of a male friend. The 50 year old father was sentenced to 10 months in jail, while the mother and an acquaintance of the family were each sentenced to 6 months. The 26 year old daughter of the family, originally from Lebanon, was being punished for degrading the family's honor. The family came to her residence in Odense and kicked and punched her. Also her friend was beaten with glass and shoes. The son in the family, who was also involved, has not yet been sentenced. ------------------------- When I first read the headline, I was sure it would be something about a teenage daughter. Holy cow, she's 26! And doesn't even live at home. Then I started wondering why I was even surprised by this. It seems a few times a year in Denmark, there's something in the news about a daughter getting stabbed or shot to death by her family for going out with someone of another culture. In all those cases, the parents came from a different country with a whole different set of beliefs and traditions. I'm glad I wasn't born a girl in Lebanon. Or Iran. Or Japan. Or some other countries I can think of with idiotic social rules and expectations. Like, oh my God, even if you were brought up to believe in certain traditions, can't you see something is just plain wrong if you have to kill your own children to save the family's honor?! Isn't it better and more natural to have a daughter that believes in something a little different rather than beat her or kill her for not doing what you say. 26 years old! Poor girl. Imagine that, being 26 and have to worry about your family watching you and coming over to beat you up or kill you if they don't like where you go or who you hang out with. Not just that, there are still traditions and problems with arranged marriages. Good grief, you'd think that by now no one would force that on anyone anymore. In Denmark, they put up so many laws to prevent arranged marriages among the small percentage of foreigners that still believe in such things (or so the politicians claim that's what those laws are for) that it causes all kinds of difficulties and problems for anyone here to marry a foreigner!! The laws barely did anything to stop arranged marriages ('cause the foreigners can visit their home country or some other country to do it) but it's very effective at keeping foreigners out overall. It's very difficult, in most cases impossible, to marry a foreigner and stay in Denmark because the foreigners are simply not allowed to stay. This is not a foreigner-friendly country! But...I'm getting off the subject here. If I don't stop now, soon I may be talking about space aliens and cross-breeding and propose inter-galactic laws and then...who knows what that will lead to......

November 30, 2006

In The News Today: Robber Used Feces As Weapon

(Alright, folks, here it is, today's fav pick from Danish text TV news...) A 48 year old woman in Odense, Denmark, was sentenced to 4 months in jail after being convicted of a robbery in a Føtex supermarket last July. The woman stole a couple bottles of alcohol and some cigarettes from the supermarket. An employee attempted to stop her. During her getaway through the parking lot, the woman defecated in her pants. When the employee got ahold of her, she smeared some of the feces on his arms and hands. ------------------------- Juicy! That is just...well, gosh darn poopalicious!! Yes, that's right, I pass on the truly important news you need to know! Mmm mmmm, seriously sexy stuff. Yep, one of those wonderful workday stories to tell the whole family during Christmas dinner. Every year!!! (Ooo yeah, smooshy yummy...now who wants a chocolate bunny?!)

November 27, 2006

Being Single

Not only am I single but I haven't had a date in, like, centuries. I thought I'd make a list of some of the good things about being single and living alone. *I can eat like a freakin' pig! That's right, I can pull the blinds, make something, put it on a plate and not even bother to sit down. I can put the plate on the kitchen counter, pounce on it like a pack of starving wolves and slobber and drip and drool all I want. Sometimes it's fun to be an absolute beast with no table manners. Hey, I can do that all the time! *Gas. When I have that gassy bubbly feeling...I can push and blast it out as hard as I wish. I want to see how loud I can crank it out, man. If it's particularly loud, I get the giggles!! Nobody cares. Nobody knows. *When I'm at home and look around...it's all mine!!! Nobody else's junk laying around my nice clean place. All the cabinets and shelves and drawers and closets are ALL for me and my stuff. Every room and every single thing in them is mine, mine, mine!!!! *No remote control fights or disappointments. I can watch whatever I want on TV whenever I desire. *I can go to bed whenever. I can stay up late at night, hog the couch and fall asleep watching a movie on TV if I feel like it. *It's quiet when I want it quiet. Nobody's gonna turn on music or the TV or have company over if I don't feel in the mood. Yep...nice and quiet... *I can do anything I want and when I want. Like...dinner is when I say it is. Early if I'm hungry. Later if I'm busy. Bedtime is always the second I say it is. If I don't get around to my workout 'til late at night and can't get to bed 'til long after midnight...it's okay, nobody cares. If I was busy (or just plain lazy half the day) and suddenly feel like cleaning the kitchen late at night, nobody's gonna be giving me looks and asking me what I'm doing like I've lost my mind or something. I can do anything...any time! *No arguments about money. If there's next to nothing to eat the last week of the month 'cause of the clothes I bought a couple weeks before...it's okay, no worries, nobody's gonna complain. *I'm never disappointed 'cause someone ate the last of something. And I can go ahead and eat whatever's in the fridge without a single thought or care about anyone else. ------------------------- So, I'm single. I live alone. I can do all that!!! Then why is it every f***ing day and night I dream of...nOt being single. Sigh... So, then I started a list of things I miss about being in a relationship... *Those "see you later" kisses...with heavy tongue action. The ones when the relationship is still pretty new and I get that lightheaded walking on clouds feeling. In an instant, I totally forget what planet I'm on, what I was doing, and even which way I was headed. Like, holy jeepers!! Shiver me timbers...... *To feel someone snuggle up to me at night and hold me and whisper something nice in my ear.... Like, holy mother of God! Somehow, that satisfaction, that kind of happiness just never happens living alone... *Those times I've been busy, stressed, so hungry and I don't feel like cooking or waiting for something to get done and then...guess what? My sweetheart cooked and has this gorgeous meal all ready for me! I'm hit with this wave of such relief and such gratefulness. Nothing like that ever happens living alone... *Usually, I love to cook! It's a nice feeling to really put that extra effort in to make a nice meal that I know someone I love has been looking forward to and has been waiting for. Then to see their smile...that makes me so happy... *Those times snuggling on the couch watching a movie on TV. Those times my girl is all completely relaxed and snuggled up against me and I hold her and stroke her soft hair...and I feel like a king knowing she wants to be with ME and I'M the one she snuggles with every night... *Seeing my girlfriend at the end of the work day when she tells me all about how her day went, who said what and how she felt about this or that, everything that happened. God, I really miss that. Sigh... *Weekend mornings...seems like such a rude disappointment to have to wake up but not when you have your sweetie in bed with you. Wow, just to lay there and snuggle...what total divine f***ing bliss! Such wonderful pure amazing happiness never happens when you live alone... *Orgasms are SO much more satisfying with company. ('Nuff said about that.) ------------------------- There sure are some nice things about being single and living alone but the happiest most satisfying moments I've had...well, were not alone... (Sniff, sniff.) I miss those happy moments so much... (...mmmmmm, oh my God, especially the not having orgasms alone part...)

November 25, 2006

In The News Today: Schoolboys Charged For Flashing

Four boys connected with Staby Afterschool north of Ringkøbing, Denmark, have been charged with indecent exposure after pulling down their pants at a private party. The offence occurred at a student party in the Sdr. Nissum Hall. During the party, the four boys went to the girls bathroom where they found a girl that was there because she wasn't feeling well. Then they exposed themselves by pulling down their pants down. They didn't touch her though, inform police. The episode lead to the girl, with her parents, reporting the boys to the police. ------------------------- My first thoughts were sort of, like...is it really that bad to see a boy's thing? Are girls really so turned off and disgusted by it? From everything that's in the news and most of the comments I see on dating sites...girls don't ever want to see a penis! Like, ever!! Then I start feeling depressed thinking girls are just totally absolutely not curious or at all interested in seeing my, um, thing. I'm not defending the boys. I've never flashed strangers. I'm just sayin' from most everything I read and hear, girls really do not like what boys have and...it's just kinda depressing 'cause I have what boys have... I can't remember ever in my life hearing a guy complain about a girl doing the flashing. It's rare girls would flash a stranger but, from what I've seen and read on the internet, it does happen. I know I sure wouldn't complain. If four girls flashed me, I'd think that was freakin' hOt!!! (If it happened, I'm sure I'd be surprised and totally unprepared and wouldn't know what to do with myself but I wouldn't be insulted or scared.) And if they wanted to touch me...I'm cool with that... Like I said, I'm not defending the boys! I'm not saying it wasn't bad what they did. The point, what I just mean to say is that it's really fascinating how girls and boys reactions are so wildly different. And it makes me wonder why. Is it because girls are scared of being overpowered and raped? And/or is it maybe 'cause a female body is beautiful and gorgeous but a man's body is just sort of ridiculous and yucky looking? Also...if I were a parent...interesting to think that if that happened to my daughter, yeah, I would be totally outraged! Hell yeah, maximum punishment for those nasty little freaks!!!! But if four girls flashed my son, I'd prob'ly smile and nod my head and say, "Alright, man! Cool!!" And, hmmm, I have an idea for a new career! I could be the world's leading flash therapist for young women that were flashed. Girls can get their frustrations and anger out by exposing themselves to me and, if required, I can try and fake disgust and repulsion. Hmmmm, I'm liking my new job already...... Yeah, well, just some thoughts I had.

November 20, 2006

Shower Thoughts

You know how when you take a shower, your thoughts seem so loud over the running water, and your mind bounces around to a zillion different subjects? And then as soon as you turn off the water, your thoughts quiet down, they're more focused. And by the time you step out of the bathroom, everything you were thinking about is forgotten and gone. Well, I remembered some things and I thought I'd write them down. Never mind what I was doing to get myself dirty enough to want a shower. All I'll say about that is, it seemed to get my mind more or less off sex. For 5 minutes or so anyway. Let's see, what was I thinking about. Oh yeah, I finally saw the movie Gothica on TV last night. That was cool!! And...wow, Halle Berry.....she still goddit goin' on...mmmm, wouldn't mind hookin' up and gettin' it on with her. I remember she said once in an interview something about not having much of dating life at all and guys being intimidated by her. She said something referring to being totally open to dating a regular guy, you know, the guy wouldn't have to be some kind of superstar or anything. But...the last I heard she was bangin' her bod with some male model. So...makes me doubt whatever she said about her willingness to go out with a regular guy. I think it's more likely she knows perfectly well how hot she is and she chooses whatever she wants. Then I was flashing on scenes from the movie. There's one part where the car is stopped. The radio suddenly comes on and "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone" was playing. I was wondering if that song was supposed to mean something. Or did someone in charge of making the movie just like that song? Why that song? How did that get picked? Was it supposed to be a message or just some random song? Then I was thinking about some Chris Rock concert thing I saw on TV a couple of times. He said something about how there are all those great songs about mothers. And what do fathers have? Papa Was A Rollin' Stone. So, I thought, that's not fair. Maybe there should be a female equivalent. So, I came up with a few lines...(keep in mind, these are just goofing around shower thoughts)... Mama was a rumblin' slut Where ever she laid her purse was her hut And when she died, all she left us was some John's mutt Then I thought, hey! I could finish the whole song and post that! And then I thought, nah, it's just some silly sh*t I came up with in the shower. And there you have it, silly shower thoughts. Just thought I'd share. (Now, if anyone wants to post their Sittin' On The Toilet Thoughts...that idea is still open if anyone wants it. )

November 18, 2006

In The News Today: RHS: Retired Husband Syndrome

Men make their wives sick. 60% of the older women in Japan have a big problem in common. Their husbands. When Japanese men retire at 60 years old, it has quite an effect on the lives of their wives. Especially if the husband has spent most of his waking hours at work. In Japan, there is an illness related to this known as Retired Husband Syndrome. "When I thought of my husband being home, I got a rash on my body and stomach aches. I threw up after dinner and sometimes it made me sick to be in the room with him," says Mrs. Terakawa, a Japanese wife. RHS is an illness that is caused by special social conditions. Japanese women who grew up in the 50's and 60's were often seen as property of their husbands. Their primary objective was to do housework and take care of the children. The husband typically works from early morning until late at night. After the husband retires and the couple spend their days together, conflicts arise. RHS was discovered by a Japanese doctor who, over a 10 year period, saw the same symptoms with Japanese women at a certain age: Depression, rashes, stomach aches, stomach ulcers, asthma and high blood pressure. An American woman that vomited and got rashes at the sight of her husband would probably get divorced. But in Japan, divorce is much more commonly seen as socially unacceptable. And the woman would have a difficult time surviving financially. -------------------- Wow...oh my goodness... Can you just feel the love? Husband: Hi honey, I'm home for good now! Tomorrow morning you will give me a delightful full body massage, then rude nasty bangin' hot sex, then you'll make me a nice big perfect breakfast, and then I wanna see the entire place clean and sparkling shiny! Wife: Oh, piss off, ya old fart! Ha ha, drop dead!! Oh yeah...but a Japanese wife wouldn't dare say that. That's sad. No wonder she gets sick. Husbands can say what they want and the wife is so limited in her response. Well...I guess I'm thankful I wasn't born a female in Japan......woot......

November 18, 2006

O.T.B.F. (Hee hee...)

Over The Belt Fat. When's that gonna be the new trend?! Come on, bring it on, I'm ready!! (Oh yeah, been on standby for years, baby!) I'm not talkin' 'bout anything too wild or gross, just that lil healthy somethin' extra. An attainable realistic well-nourished look! I can do that. I think I have a shot at holdin' it down to that. Come on, Over The Belt Fat! Who's up for makin' this the hOt new look?! Hell, yeah!! Woot woot!!!!

November 9, 2006

Quote: Life Is...

Life is not about what you can get, it's about what you give. Just something I heard on some silly comedy series recently. But it really got me thinking. In fact, after I heard that, I was all inspired to do something outrageously nice for someone! And then it's like...oh, yeah.......I don't have a wife. No girlfriend. No children. No loving family members. Maybe that's why I tend to think about myself and what I can get out of any situation. I'm nice to myself. I give things to myself. If I didn't, who else would?! I regret so much though that in my last relationship I was still thinking about me way too much. Old habit, I guess. I made stupid mistakes. Hopefully, I'm wiser and smarter now and won't make those mistakes again. I'll admit, I'm always thinking about what I can get, what's best for me, what makes me happy. And I never seem to be truly satisfied. Or the satisfactions only last such a short time. Maybe if I concentrated on giving...I'd find much more satisfaction there. Just something I'm embarrassed to say...I've never seriously tried and I've been thinking a lot about lately. Could one find real satisfaction in simply giving without expecting the same attention in return? I'm so wishing I had a girlfriend to test this theory out on! (Oh my God, the things I'd do......)

November 8, 2006

Good or Evil?

Are people basically good or evil?? Something I was pondering today. Are people basically caring, giving, loving, trying to do what society says is good because that's what's really in their hearts or...are people basically uncaring, selfish, cold but trying to do what society defines as good only because they are afraid of punishment and being an outcast? Do people have jobs 'cause that's what they really want to do or only because society expects it? Do people go to work, smile, chit chat and pretend to care about their work while really dreaming of killing the boss and anyone else they don't like, robbing banks, and having the money to buy a country and become a dictator?! Do actions define a good person or their thoughts? If you could read minds, do you think you'd be overwhelmed by all the feelings of love and compassion or...more like totally shocked over all the outrageously crazy rude evil thoughts people have? Different days I have different opinions. Different days I lean a little more one way or the other and would explain it in different ways. Today I would say...intelligence is the crucial factor. Less intelligent creatures live much more according to what they really want. Society rules and consequences for them aren't so set or intricate. The higher the intelligence, the more creatures will consider how their actions affect others around them, what others would feel about any action. Compassion, mercy, love...these are things only highly intelligent creatures possess. Only intelligent beings can even grasp the concept of good or evil. For most creatures, these ideas don't exist. Today, I would say humans possess the intelligence to have the most detailed evil thoughts and do the most vicious harmful evil things but it's also intelligence that keeps people from acting on most of those evil thoughts. People do slip though. Today, I'm leaning towards...people are basically evil, but most of the time try to do good things. What do you think?

September 28, 2006

Sense of Non: New Master

And a white dove did so flyeth, cometh, and sayeth onto me that I am and shall be so the new ruler, law of the land, the New Lord, amen! Now with desimite power, I, Lord esnesnoN, did obtain my basic needs and wants. I was fulfilled. Destined. Destroyed. And so I wandered. Amazing colors did I see. Lego toys. I played. My own sandbox. In dirt I drowned. Suffocated. Reborn. Once again a ruler. A master. Destined. The white dove did I never see again. Pity. I slept and picatos of jewelness did emerge from my coffee. Clanktow and boakna formed. Transformed was I. Intrepid finalities did occur. Black. White. Rainbow. Other colors before never seen. Abnormity of form. Plastonochin and twanola did come. The absurdity was absent. Bostanocha. Pladden. Meanings intense. Sky spilleth explosions and the moon did clement. Planetory clanktaninity! I beseach thee. Rainbow water, funny twolosions, perfectorific commatations, non-communicative asteroid pluktations, insensitive breetnoks, why conjecture? Am I not perfectory prettiness placed hereth for thee. And, oh my God! Are you still reading this sh*t?!

September 25, 2006

In The News Today: Shocking violence...

Two stories I saw on text TV here, one from yesterday and one from today, that left me pretty much just shocked and speechless... ...two of the craziest stories I ever heard of...... Two Rottweilers Kill Baby ------------------------------ A five month old girl died Saturday at a hospital, in the English town Leicester, after being bitten by two rottweilers. Saturday afternoon, an ambulance was called to a pub called The Rocket, where the two dogs had attacked the little girl. The girl's parents own the pub and the girl was lying in one of the adjacent private rooms when she was attacked, according to BBC. A family member said that one of the dogs dragged the little baby up on the roof. ---------- Teacher Kills Student ------------------------------ A teacher in China's Hunan province went berserk on an 11 year old girl in the classroom and, afterwards, threw her lifeless body out of a fourth story window. Li Hengyi was an angel compared to Professor Blomme, a 28 year old history teacher in the town of Yongzhou, central China. According to Beijing News, the man grabbed the blameless student and slammed her head repeated times against the desk. When she dropped to the floor, he continued by stomping on her, then got an iron pipe and beat her with it before throwing her out the window.

September 19, 2006

(...sigh...) Doing Dishes

Do you ever think there might be ghosts that use your kitchen? 'Cause, like, you know, sometimes when I wash the dishes, I can't even remember using half the stuff that's there!

September 18, 2006

Buffy Quotes: Season 3

Yes, here it is, my much anticipated and highly appreciated continuation of my Buffy Quotes series. 'Cause, wOw, it's been such a roaring success!! Okay, okay, so I have an outrageous imagination and I tell myself a great number of preposterous lies. So what. Actually, I'm still quite convinced I have a rather large following existing in other galaxies. (Obviously, technical incompatibilities prevent a response...or so as not to overload the system here, they refrain from responding or...thousands and thousands of enthusiastic responses are coming but due to the distance, it could take up to a few years.) My posts have a more intergalactic appeal and, in my heart, I am, of course, absolutely aware of this and shall continue so as not to disappoint my other worldly fans, all those that truly understand my wildly entertaining posts. If you're not familiar with Buffy The Vampire Slayer, which would be a seriously dreadful unthinkable cultural deprivation no living creature should ever endure, I hereby sentence you to start by purchasing the first season on DVD, watch it, and do, please, begin to get familiar with the most entertaining adventurous dark dramatic yet amazingly mindblowing humor-filled totally kick ass thing you've ever seen in your whole freakin' life!!!! And now, without making anyone drool helplessly in intense anticipation and desire for another minute, I bring you...some of the best quotes from season three of Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Plus...guess what, as an exciting, very splendid, and thoroughly delightful extra bonus...I've arranged the quotes so they tell a story. (It seems like all the characters are immersed in conversation. Later some adventurous outside action takes place.) I dare say, it's almost like actually seeing an episode! (...and if I finally manage to finish putting together quotes for all the seasons, I'll take it all off my blog and make a seperate page just for Buffy quotes!! Until then, it stays here...) Alright...I invite you all to think back...and remember...the glorious wonderful days of watching The Slayer tale unfold as you read these quotes...... -------------------- Cordelia: What's going on? Oh God, is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother. ----- Buffy's mom: Is it a vampire? Buffy: Mom, what are you doing here? Buffy's mom: I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. You know, the slaying. ----- Wesley: May I say, you look smashing. Cordelia: It's a start. ----- Buffy: Welcome to my life. ----- Xander: It looks good on you. Cordelia: Well, duh! ----- Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: Don't get killed. ----- Buffy: First rule of slaying: Don't die. ----- Cordelia: Great. Now I'm going to be stuck with serious thoughts all day. ----- Giles: Well, we start, not surprisingly, with research. ----- Cordelia: You wanna swap? Willow: What? Swap? Cordelia: You wanna swap. This book is really thick and I'm not sure it's in English. ----- Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is if the old slayer dies. Buffy's mom: Then that means you... When did you die? You never told me you died. Buffy: It was just for a few minutes. ----- Giles: There is a fringe theory, held by folklorists, that some regional stories have actual, very literal antecedents. Buffy: And in some language that's English? ----- Master: I've lost my appetite for this one. She keeps looking at me. I'm trying to eat and she looks at me! ----- Willow: Anybody else all creeped out and trembly? ----- Oz: Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right? ----- Faith: You're confused, twinkie. Let me clear you up. Vampire. Slayer. Dead vampire. ----- Buffy: How are you? Faith: 5 by 5. Buffy: I'll interpret that as good. ----- Faith: When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away, I only know one thing...that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna lose. I like that feeling. ----- Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment distracted the bad demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head? Faith: Yeah. That was real manly how you shrieked and all. ----- Cordelia: Well, that's the most fun you can have without having any fun. ----- Xander: Cordelia, feel free to drop dead of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds. ----- Cordelia: Ooo, look, it's Mr. Excitement. On another life-or-death doughnut mission, or are we just cruising for bimbos again, giving them lessons in lack of cool? ----- Willow, pulling out a banana: I'm eating this now. It's not lunchtime. I don't even care. ----- Buffy: Willow, you're alive? Willow: Aren't I usually? ----- Willow's mom: Willow, you cut off your hair. That's a new look. Willow: Yeah, it's a sudden whim I had. In August. ----- Cordelia: You know what I've been asking myself a lot this last week? Why me? Why do I get impaled? Why do I get bitten by snakes? Why do I fall for incredible losers? And you know, I think I've finally figured it out, what my problem is? It's Buffy Summers. That's when all my troubles started. When she moved here. ----- Buffy: Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it? ----- Cordelia: Why is it, every time I go somewhere with you, it always ends in violence and terror? ----- Buffy: Strong is fighting. It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. ----- Cordelia: I know what you're up to, you think if you get me mad enough I won't be so scared. And, hey, it's working! Where's a damn weapon? ----- Xander: Wait! Faith: For what? For you to grow a pair? ----- Wesley: So there is something I can do, besides scream like a woman? ----- Willow: You were real brave. Do you need to barf? ----- Buffy: What am I doing? What are you doing? Angel: I don't know. Buffy: Shame on you! ----- Faith: I mean, I've had my share of losers but you...you boinked the undead. What was that like? ----- Angel: It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps, and I loved you. Buffy: Why? Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own. Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross. Angel: I was just thinking that too. ----- Wesley: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol. Buffy: Vampires. Wesley: Yes? Buffy: Killed 'em. ----- Oz: It was intense. Xander: Yeah, for a minute there, I thought you were going to make an expression. Oz: Well, I felt one coming on, I won't lie. ----- Buffy: Actually, it's pretty dull, you know. It's bam, boom, stick...poof. ----- Oz: Would it help if I panic? ----- Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus. Cordelia: I stand corrected. ----- Faith: You guys are a hoot and a half. I mean, if I had friends like you in high school, I...probably still would've dropped out, but I might've been sad about it, you know? ----- Wesley: Remember the three key words for any Slayer. Preparation...preparation...preparation. Buffy: That's one word three times. ----- Giles: What's your plan? Buffy: I gotta have a plan? Really? I can't just be proactive with pep? ----- Willow: Why do demons even come here? I mean, don't they know how bad we are? ----- Jenny: I'm not a demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The first evil. Beyond sin. Beyond death. I am the thing that darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate. Buffy: All right, I get it, you're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day? ----- The Mayor: Gosh, but I'm feeling chipper! Who's for a root beer? ----- Buffy: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart? Giles: She's not a vampire. Buffy: Well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill. ----- Faith: You sent your boy to kill me. The Mayor: That's right, I did. Faith: He's dust. The Mayor: I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all. ----- Buffy: Willow, you okay? Willow: Yeah, I'm fine. The shaking is a side effect of the fear. ----- Cordelia: What's her saga? Xander: She's freaking. Cordelia: About what? Xander: The Mayor is going to kill us all during graduation. Cordelia: Oh. Are you going to fifth period? Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it. Cordelia: Me too. ----- Buffy: I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. ----- The Mayor: No Slayer of mine is gonna live in a fleabag hotel. That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there. Faith: Yeah, plus all the screwing. ----- Wesley: You can't turn your back on the council. Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing. ----- Oz: Is there something that he's afraid of? Angel: Well, he's not crazy about germs. Cordelia: Of course! That's it! We'll attack him with germs. Buffy: Great! We'll get him cornered and then you can sneeze on him. Cordelia: No! No, we'll get a container with the Ebola virus and...and...or it doesn't even have to be real, we could just get a box that says Ebola on it and...um...chase him! With the box. ----- Willow: Oz is a werewolf. Buffy: It's a long story. Oz: I got bit. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Faith: Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my leg, we're five-by-five, ya know? Oz: Fair enough. ----- Cordelia: Well, I'll be in Aspen. Skiing. With actual snow. Buffy: I hear that helps. ----- Willow: I went to Snoopy On Ice when I was little. My dad took me backstage, and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock. ----- The Mayor: I have to ingest several of the inhabitants of this box. Faith: Ingest? The Mayor: Eat. Faith: You're wicked gross. ----- Oz: Are you nervous? Willow: Only in a terrified way. Oz: We're gonna make it through this. Willow: Are you sure? Oz: I sound pretty sure, don't I? Willow: Yeah. Oz: Well, then I must be sure. Willow: Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question? ----- Faith: Don't you need anyone dead or maimed? I could settle for maimed. ----- Xander: But...it's just that it's buggin' me, this cool thing. I mean, what is it? How do you get it? Who doesn't have it? And who decides who doesn't have it? What is the essence of cool? Oz: Not sure. Xander: I mean, you yourself, Oz, are considered more or less cool. Why is that? Oz: Am I? Xander: Is it about the talking? You know, the way you tend to express yourself in short, noncommital phrases? Oz: Could be. ----- The Mayor, eating spiders: Mmm. My God, what a feeling. The power of these creatures. It suffuses my being. I can feel the changes begin. My organs are shifting, changing, making ready for the Ascension. Plus these babies are high in fiber. And what's the fun in becoming an immortal demon if you're not regular, am I right? ----- Faith: It's just like fun, only boring. ----- Willow: It's perfect, in an awkward, uncomfortable sort of way. ----- Buffy: Something's weird. Oz: Something's not? ----- Spike: I've been all wrongheaded about this...weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just got to be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, where ever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again. Love's a funny thing. ----- The Mayor: He was up to all sorts of shenanigans last year. We had a world of fun trying to guess what he'd do next. ----- Xander: So, what are our options? Willow: Well, I figure either I refuse to do the spell and he kills us, or I do the spell, and he kills us. Xander: Give a third option. Willow: He's so drunk he forgets about us and we starve to death. That's sort of the best one. ----- Buffy: I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it. Xander: Yay? ----- Buffy: Wait, wait. I'm really sorry. Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me. ----- The Mayor: The show's not over, but there will be a short intermission. Don't want to miss the second act. All kinds of excitement. Angel: I'll be there. ----- (Intermission here.;) Feel free to grab a snack. Or a drink. Or both!!:) ----- Spike: She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign she cared? ----- Faith: Didn't we, um, do this street already? Buffy: Funny thing about vamps. They'll hit a street even after you've been there. It's like they have no manners. ----- Xander: Come on. It'll be fun. Cordelia: I don't know, I just thought we were going to do something...you know, classy. Xander: What's classier than bowling? Cordelia: Apart from everything ever? ----- Buffy: When Giles sends me on a mission, he says please. And afterwards, I get a cookie! ----- Faith: Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny? Buffy: Well...sometimes I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards. ----- Buffy: Synchronized slaying. Faith: New Olympic category? ----- Buffy: Now, that was funny looking. Could you do it again? Vampire: I'll kill you for that. Buffy: For that? What were you trying to kill me for before? ----- Faith: My dead mother hits harder than that! ----- Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but...you know what I mean. ----- Xander and Oz fall through a ceiling. Oz: We're here to save you. ----- Wesley: If I could just get something for the pain. It's rather a lot of pain, actually. Aspirin? If you would... Perhaps I could be just knocked unconscious. ----- The Principal: This is a time of celebration. So, sit still and be quiet. Spit out that gum. ----- The Mayor: Still unhappy? Hmm. Okey-doke. I've got two words that are gonna make all the pain go away. Miniature...golf. ----- Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them? Willow: I brought marshmellows. ----- Buffy: Either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe... Cordelia: You're having too may ors, pick one! ----- Xander: Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine, but I'm done with that. Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do its magical little healy thing. What's done is done. Let's be in the moment. Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me? Buffy: He's actually making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or lack of same? Willow: Absolutely. It's self-indulgent. I'm in. I'm on the joy train. (Pause) Buffy: That didn't work. Who wants chocolate? ----- Oz: Guys, take a moment to deal with this. We survived. Buffy: It was a hell of a battle. Oz: Not the battle. High school. -----

September 18, 2006

My Sex Life

Okay, since I don't have a sex life and haven't had one since, like, The Stone Age or something, can I please at least get paid to look at porn and masturbate? I mean, I'm pretty freakin' good at it! I've had lots and lots of practice!! I think I'm way beyond amateur, I'm sooo ready to turn pro!!! Oh, baby, hell yeah! I'm ready to do it full-time!!!! Yep...this one's clearly on my A list of dream jobs. (Pick something you're good at and you enjoy.......uh huh, check, yes, thought of another one...)

September 15, 2006

Are dogs not allowed to eat chocolate?

(What can I say, be prepared for editless shameless babbling.) I saw this episode of Gilmore Girls this week and Lorelai's dog (that she named Paul Anka, hee hee hee) ate a bunch of baking chocolate at Luke's place. And Luke took the dog to the vet dude, knowing dogs weren't supposed to eat chocolate. Then the vet guy gave the dog some stuff to make the dog barf up all the chocolate. (Poor doggie!) But...well, I love dogs and I've never heard before that dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate...? Really? Is that true? And why? I don't think it ever occurred to me to give a dog chocolate. Dogs love to eat so many things and, hey, chocolate's relatively expensive, so...I can't recall ever giving a dog chocolate. I prob'ly did though! I never knew you weren't supposed to. Makes me think of another thing from years ago. I was living at this house where a few of us guys were renting rooms. The owner of the house got a teaching job up north and wasn't sure he wanted to give up the house, so he rented the rooms out, not to make a profit, he said, but just enough to pay bills and keep the house. We got the rooms blessfully cheap!! And one dude was living in the garage. And he had a big dog. I think he said it was part wolf. And the dog used to get into the trash cans sometimes and make a huge mess 'cause he was after chicken bones. So, me and this other guy (but, I'll admit, it was my idea) started just giving the dog chicken bones. (Chicken is what I have for dinner most often. Cheap! And healthy. And you can always make it exciting by using different spices or sauces.) Holy cow! That dog loved those chicken bones sooo much!!! But after a week or two, dude that owned the dog came to us and said no more chicken bones! He said dogs weren't supposed to have chicken bones 'cause they could choke. He said cats could eat 'em, but not dogs. I wasn't sure I believed it. (The dog has big teeth and seemed to handle those bones just fine!) I still gave the dog bones sometimes anyway. (When I knew I wouldn't get caught.) But years later, I saw on some TV show where someone, I think it was a vet, confirmed the no chicken bone thing. But, but, man, you should've seen how freakin' happy that dog was to eat chicken bones!! Oh my God, he seriously loooved those bones!!!! (How could I deny the dog such wonderful happiness?) Anyway, now with the chocolate thing...I'm wondering if I should feel like an idiot for not knowing enough about dogs. I really do love dogs and I wouldn't want to do something bad. It's rare I ever cry, but I prob'ly would if a dog died 'cause I gave it chocolate or a few chicken bones. Of course, I could research these questions on the internet, but then you guys lose the whole long charming babble thing I got goin' on here.

September 13, 2006

Friends TV Show

(I saw this quiz thing in a magazine today.) Which friend, from the hit TV series Friends, are you?? Take this quiz and find out! 1. Which of these describes you best... 1) Nice/sweet but a little nerdy 2) Controlling 3) Avoids conflict 4) Fun 5) A little slow 6) Flighty ----- 2. How do you feel about relationships... 1) I can't really figure them out 2) I've never had a serious relationship 3) I'm not into relationships 4) I've only had a couple, so it's hard to say 5) I'm completely fine with relationships, as long as there's control over the issues 6) Great, I've almost never been alone ----- 3. What is hanging in your closet... 1) A bunch of designer clothes 2) Colorful dresses and loose tops 3) Pretty much mostly jeans and tight t-shirts 4) I don't know, I'm more interested in what's in my refrigerator 5) A bunch of sweaters and a corduroy jacket or two 6) Suits for work ----- 4. Do you know the words to "Smelly Cat"? 1) Yes 2) No ----- 5. Are you close with your family? 1) Yes, of course. 2) Yes, I especially admire my father a lot. 3) Yes, even though my mother sometimes is on my case too much. 4) Yes, I love them very much even though I don't see them so often. 5) I see them only on holidays. We don't really understand each other. 6) Not really. My friends are my family. ----- 6. When someone asks for your phone number, it's because... 1) You are so hot! 2) You're really funny. 3) You have a spiritual connection. 4) You just know a lot about stuff. 5) You ask, as a rule, for their number. 6) You're turned on by a woman that knows what she wants. ----- 7. When you play cards, you prefer to play... 1) Strip poker 2) The card game where it's most likely you'll win 3) Actually, I'm not really into playing cards 4) I don't play cards, I read them 5) I'm maybe a little too distracted/pre-occupied to play cards 6) I'd rather play scrabble or some other word game ----- 8. Are you good at telling jokes? 1) Yes 2) No ----- 9. Were you popular in school? 1) Hell, yeah! Totally! 2) I guess I was more of a loner. 3) No, and I have repressed the memories. 4) Not with the boys anyway. 5) I was better at impressing my teachers than my classmates. 6) I wasn't so good at studying, I was more interested in the girls in my class. ----- 10. Table soccer. What is your first reaction? 1) What are those small men doing on sticks? 2) Best 2 out of 3. Loser buys a round. 3) Yeah, okay, fine, but can we talk about me now? 4) Cool! I'll kick all your butts! 5) It would be really cool with a dinosaur version. 6) I wish I was better at this game. ----- 11. What does a break in a relationship mean to you? 1) I can see other people, but my ex can't. 2) A break is a break. We can each do what we want. ----- 12. Do you run from your responsibilities? 1) Absolutely not, and it makes me crazy when others do 2) Not so often, and when it happens, it's a big mistake 3) Sometimes 4) When I can 5) I make sure I don't have any responsibility 6) I think that we all share a common responsibility ----- 13. A cake. Will you... 1) Bake it 2) Count calories 3) Eat it and ask for more 4) Want to see a girl pop out of it 5) Check for food additives 6) Be insulted if you got the smallest piece ----- 14. Do you often do "A Monica"? 1) Yes, my friends and family expect that I screw up. 2) I don't make mistakes. ----- 15. Would you ask a stranger out? 1) No. I would be terrified. 2) I don't need to. I flirt a little and they ask me out. 3) Of course. All you need is love. 4) Of course. Who could resist me. 5) I've done it a couple of times, but I don't really like it. 6) Of course. If you want something to happen, you have to take the initiative. ----- 16. I always wanted to get married... 1) On my 30th birthday 2) If I found my soul-mate 3) With my first love 4) ...just like I've always wanted to get shot in the head! 5) Hey, hey, hey, who's talking about getting married. Can't we just have some fun. 6) With someone that looks like my father. ----- 17. Do you want a monkey? 1) Yes 2) No ----- 18. What do you do most often? 1) Tell the joke 2) Laugh at the joke 3) Are the object of the joke 4) Don't understand the joke 5) Don't have time for joking around 6) Am sort of off in my own world and don't hear the joke ----- 19. What do you fear most? 1) A bad hair day 2) Giving a bad lecture 3) Bad sex 4) Anyone with bad manners 5) Bad karma 6) Telling a bad joke ----- 20. Do you have a steady score/pick-up routine? 1) Yes 2) No ----- Count how many a's, b's, c's, d's, e's, and f's you have. 1: 1.a 2.b 3.c 4.d 5.e 6.f 2: 1.a 2.f 3.e 4.d 5.b 6.c 3: 1.c 2.f 3.b 4.e 5.a 6.d 4: 1.f 2-no points 5: 1.a 2.c 3.b 4.e 5.d 6.f 6: 1.c 2.d 3.f 4.a 5.e 6.b 7: 1.e 2.b 3.c 4.f 5.a 6.d 8: 1.d 2-no points 9: 1.c 2.f 3.d 4.b 5.a 6.e 10: 1.f 2.e 3.c 4.b 5.a 6.d 11: 1.c 2-no points 12: 1.b 2.a 3.c 4.d 5.e 6.f 13: 1.b 2.c 3.e 4.d 5.f 6.a 14: 1.b 2-no points 15: 1.d 2.c 3.f 4.e 5.a 6.b 16: 1.b 2.f 3.a 4.d 5.e 6.c 17: 1.a 2-no points 18: 1.d 2.c 3.a 4.e 5.b 6.f 19: 1.c 2.a 3.e 4.b 5.f 6.d 20: 1.e 2-no points ----------------------------------- Mostly a's: You're most like ROSS. Ross is a little nerdy, but in a cute way. Even though he's not wading in offers, he's had some relationships anyway because of his charming qualities. On the other side, he's had big problems with getting relationships to function for long periods. Mostly b's: You're most like MONICA. Monica is a control freak and competitive. She dreams of having a husband and children and knows, of course, exactly how the wedding and the rest of her life should happen. Mostly c's: You're most like RACHEL. Rachel is the slightly confused and spoiled upper-class girl that the guys really like. She avoids conflict and is not really into housework, but on the other hand, she knows about fashion. Mostly d's: You're most like CHANDLER. Chandler is the funny guy that often hides behind a joke. He's rather afraid of commitment and has absolutely no desire to talk about his feelings. Mostly e's: You're most like JOEY. Joey is maybe a little dumb, but it's him the girls fall for. He doesn't even know how many women he's been with and then dumped, but it's a lot. The only thing Joey loves as much as women...is food. Mostly f's: You're most like PHEOBE. Phoebe is the hippie, the one who's tried a little of everything and clearly into alternative things. She sees the world with other eyes than the rest of the group. -------------------- So, which one are you? I took the test and it was a tie...between Rachel and Phoebe. Usually, I think these kinds of tests are total bullsh*t, but this one seems pretty darn accurate. I never thought of it before, but, I guess, yeah, my personality could be described as a cross between Rachel and Phoebe.

September 11, 2006

Buffy Quotes: Season Two

Continuing on with my (sooo wildly popular and much praised) Buffy The Vampire Slayer quote series...here are some of the best quotes from the second season... ********** Buffy: Mom...I'm a vampire slayer. ----- Principal Snyder: One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere...like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating, destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist. GIles: Well, I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, that school principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation? ----- Buffy: I better stop him before he gets into trouble. WIllow: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better. Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I? Xander: The important thing is...you believe that. ----- Buffy's mom: Honey, are you sure you're a vampire slayer? ----- Xander: Hi! For those of you who've just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person. ----- Giles: Might I have a word? Buffy: Have a sentence even. ----- Willow: I've done some homework and found the only solution is the final solution. Xander: Nuke the school? I like that. Willow: Not quite. Exorcism. Cordelia: Are you crazy? I saw that movie! Even the priest died! ----- WIllow: There's a Slayer handbook? Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook? Willow: Is there a t-shirt too? 'Cause that would be cool. ----- Buffy: Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. ----- Buffy's mom: I mean, have you tried not being a slayer? ----- Buffy: I kill vampires, that's my job. Giles: Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand. ----- Xander: C'mon, one dance. You've been studying nearly twelve minutes. Buffy: No wonder my brain's fried. ----- Oz: So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot? Willow: Well, we don't get cable. So, we have to make our own fun. ----- Vampire: Slayer! Buffy's response: Slayee! ----- Giles: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's the trouble. See, many times, the spirit is plagued by all manner of worldly troubles. Being dead, it has no way to make its peace. So it lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry. Buffy: So, it's a normal teenager, only dead. ----- Angel: Is this a bad time? Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or yodel. ----- Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain. Spank your inner moppet. Whatever. But get over it. ----- Giles: Um, Buffy...you are not by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress cute boys, are you? ----- Cordelia: So, what's his story anyway? I mean, I never see him around. Willow: Not during the day anyway. Cordelia: Oh, please. Don't tell me he still lives at home. Like, he has to wait for his dad to get back before he can take the car? Buffy: Cordelia, I think his parents have been dead for a couple of hundred years. Cordelia: Oh, good. I mean... What? Buffy: Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew. Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs? Willow: It's true. Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer. ----- Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsey. Buffy's mom: Life is hard, dear. ----- Xander: I think the exchange student program's cool. I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures. Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program? Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count? ----- Cordelia (to a police officer): Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way. ----- Xander: She's possessed. Giles: Possessed by what? Willow: A...possessing thing! Giles: Well, that narrows it down. ----- Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was...an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste... Buffy: And you made her a vampire. Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon. Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth. ----- Cordelia: Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation? ----- Giles: Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting. Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing. Giles: Yes, yes, yes, of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. ----- Spike: This is just...neat! ----- Cordelia: I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me. Not too brave. ----- Willow: Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me? ----- Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics? Buffy: It's not noise! It's music! Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise. Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat! Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears. ----- Vampire: The day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste...and hear you beg...before I smash in your face. Buffy: So...are you going to kill me or...are we just making small talk? ----- Giles: Is everyone all right? Cordelia: Super! I kicked a guy! ----- Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing. Buffy: I thought I might try violence. ----- Principal Snyder: In case you haven't noticed, the police of Sunnydale are deeply stupid. ----- Buffy: It was terrible, I moped over you for months, sitting in my room, listening to that Divinyls song I Touch Myself...of course, I had not idea what it was about. ----- Xander: Everybody's paired off. The vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. ----- Buffy: Have I ever let you down? Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare? ----- Spike: Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb. I love it. ----- Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open. Sound is coming from it. This is never good. ----- Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I'll admit that, but believe me, that was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make. (Brief pause) That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be. Buffy: Well, points for effort. ----- Xander: Buffy, we gotta do something now. Buffy: You two get the others out of here. Angel: We need you to distract the vampires. Buffy: Right. Xander: What are you going to do? Buffy: I'm going to kill them all. That ought to distract them. ----- Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. ----- Some guy (Richard): Hi, sweetheart. I'm Richard. And you are...? Buffy: SO not interested. ----- Xander: A bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or-treating. Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night. Buffy: Yikes. I'll stick to vampires. ----- Cordelia: I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to. ----- Willow: Buffy killed a vampire last night. Buffy: Uh, I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm. Willow: Sorry. ----- Xander: You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair? Willow: All the time. ----- Spike: I don't want to hurt you, baby. Doesn't mean I won't. ----- Angel: Buffy. Buffy: Angel Xander: Xander. ----- Buffy: Hey, sorry about your fish. Willow: Uh, it's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet. ----- Giles: I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were. Buffy: Color me stunned. ----- Some guy (Ford): I wanna be like you. A vampire. Spike: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever. ----- Willow: I think the spell worked. I felt something go through me. Cordelia: Plus the Orb did that cool glow thing. ----- Buffy: I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls, only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint. Angel: Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls. I think they kept some parts. Buffy: Could this get any yuckier? Willow: They probably kept the other parts to eat. Buffy: Question answered. ----- Xander: I do not babble. I occasionally run-on. Every now and then I yammer. ----- Buffy: C'mon, we fight monsters. This is what we do. They show up, they scare us, I beat 'em up and they go away. ----- Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, oh my God, could you have a dorkier outfit? ----- Buffy: Great. I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me. Xander: Halloween quiet? Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-apalooza. Buffy: Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. They stay in. Xander: Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing! ----- Giles: Bay City Rollers. Now, that's music. Buffy: I didn't hear that. ----- Willow: What kind of punch did you make? Buffy: Uh, lemonade. I made it fresh and everything. Willow: How much sugar did you use? Buffy: Sugar? ----- Buffy: Do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or...God, even studying! But I have to save the world...again. ----- Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get. Giles: I believe that's called growing up. Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay? Giles: I know the feeling. Buffy: Does it ever get easy? (A vampire rises and Buffy slays him.) Giles: You mean life? Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy? Giles: What do you want me to say? Buffy: Lie to me. Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. Buffy: Liar. ----- Buffy: I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school. Giles: What are you going to do, crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life? Buffy: Would it have cable? ----- Oz: But we know the world didn't end, 'cause...check it out. ----- Buffy: You know what? It's good to be me. -----

September 9, 2006

Buffy Quotes: Season One

A few quotes from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It was such a truly amazing mindblowing series!!!! (I say "was" because the series ended and the glorious wild excitement of seeing a new episode is long gone for me.) A huge part of its wonderful charm was the humor! Way too many great quotes to list 'em all in one day. I thought a lot about how to divide them up. So, first, the obvious choice, pick the ones I like best. But still...way too many!! Then what? Funniest on down? By character? By season? By episode? I think I've settled on dividing them up by season. I thought I'd get started with the first season today and kinda move on from there every so often. ------------------------- Giles: Something's coming. Something is gonna happen here...soon! Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me? ----- Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good. ----- Willow: I'm not afraid. You think I'd be afraid, but I'm not. ----- Buffy: You guys don't have to get involved. Xander: What do you mean? We're a team. Aren't we a team? Willow: Yeah, you're The Slayer and we're, like, The Slayerettes. ----- Buffy: Did you find anything? Giles: I don't know. Buffy: You don't know if you didn't find anything? ----- Buffy: Monsters don't usually send messages. It's pretty much crush, kill, destroy. ----- Giles: I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer. ----- Xander: Well, yeah, I would give anything to be able to turn invisible. Well, I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but I'd use my powers to protect the girl's locker room. ----- Buffy: I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my terrible fate. Giles: What? Buffy: Biology. ----- Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? Willow: Maybe because they met her? ----- Willow: Oh, I...I need to sit down. Buffy: You are sitting down. Willow: Oh, good for me. ----- Buffy: Who are you? Angel: Let's just say I'm a friend. Buffy: Well, maybe I don't want a friend! Angel: I didn't say I was yours. ----- Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way or...well, actually, there's just the hard way. Darla: That's fine with me. Buffy: Are you sure? This is not gonna be pretty. We're talkin' violence, strong language, adult content. ----- Xander: I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away. ----- Buffy: To make a vampire, they have to suck your blood. Then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. ----- Buffy: Can a vampire ever be a good person? Couldn't it happen? Giles: A vampire isn't a person at all. It may have the movements, the memories, even the personality of the person it took over, but it's still a demon at the core. There is no halfway. Willow: So that'd be a no, huh? ----- Xander: You took a bath. Buffy: Yeah, I often do. I'm actually known for it. Xander: That's okay. Buffy: And the weird behavior award goes to... ----- Buffy: Destructo Girl, that's me. ----- Xander: It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to. ----- Giles: Well, you know what they say. Ninety percent of the vampire slaying game is waiting. Buffy: You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago? ----- Xander: Guess who. Willow: Uh, Xander. Xander: Yeah, but keep guessing anyway. Willow: Xander? ----- Xander: What, I can't have information sometimes? Giles: It's just somewhat unprecedented. ----- Buffy: We are totally over-reacting! Xander: But it's fun, isn't it? ----- Buffy: Cool, crossbow! Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes! Hello flying fatality! ----- Giles: Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons. ----- Willow: Why couldn't he be possessed by a puppy, or some ducks? ----- Buffy: You know, for someone who's all-powerful, you sure do like to hide. ----- Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? ----- Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time. ----- Xander: We're right behind you, only further back. ----- Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how? Giles: By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists. ----- Buffy: I'm the thing monsters have nightmares about. ----- Jesse: You wanna dance? Cordelia: With you? Jesse: Well, uh, yeah! Cordelia: Well, uh, no! ----- Willow: Does anybody mind if I pass out? ----- Xander: I kind of had a problem with the math. Willow: Which part? Xander: The math. ----- Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Glad to know you've seen the softer side of Sears. ----- Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain. ----- Cordelia: Willow, I really like your outfit. Willow: No, you don't. Cordelia: No, I really don't, but I need a favor. ----- Buffy: It's weird though. In this way, I feel like he's still watching me. Willow: Well, in a way, he sort of is...in the way of that he's right over there. ----- Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is? Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit? ----- Angel: I fed on a girl your age. Beautiful. Dumb as a post. ----- Giles: I've made up my mind. Buffy: So have I. Giles: I made up mine first! ----- Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me. ----- Buffy: Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, okay? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest. You could go, hmmm. Giles: Hmmm? ----- Xander: Can you say...gulp? ----- Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh? ----- Cordelia: I know that you share this feeling that we have for each other, deep down. Willow: Nausea? ----- Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are The Slayer! Lives depend on you! I make allowances for your youth but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this...cult?! Buffy, wearing a cheerleader outfit: You don't like the color? ----- Buffy: We saved the world. I say we party! I mean, I got all pretty. -----

September 8, 2006

Quote: Buffy (Final Season Speech)

Giles: "The First predates everything we've ever known. Or can know. It's everywhere. It's pure." Sigh. "I don't know if we can fight it." Buffy: "You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. We can't run. Can't hide. We can't pretend it's not the end 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back. But we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First." Giles: "Buffy, I...I, I know you're...you're tired..." Buffy: "I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready. They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come...like we always do. I'm done waiting. If they want an apocalypse...oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else here wants to run...do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts one by one...until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill him myself. There's only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil...and that's us. Any questions?" --------------- I got chills writing that just now. More quotes in the coming days... Buffy!!!!!!! The most truly awesome totally kickass thing ever on television!!!!!!!!!!

September 8, 2006

Quote: Buffy (intro)
In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer. --from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, introduction to season 1 (1997)

September 7, 2006

When You Get Upset

When you get upset, you... a) shout and yell b) throw things, slam doors or kick something c) storm off and go somewhere else d) drink e) wanna talk it out with someone f) get quiet and moody g) ___________________________________ (fill in the blank) So, which is it? -------------------- Me, I (just about) never yell or throw things when I'm upset. My typical reaction is I just get very quiet and moody. (And, no, I didn't think of this 'cause I'm upset now. I just felt like posting something.)

September 7, 2006

Quote: Flashdance

You give up your dream, you die. --Flashdance (1983)

September 5, 2006

Quote: Gia

"You scare the shit out of people and then they don't see how scared you are." --Gia Carangi (played by Angelina Jolie), from the TV movie (1998)

September 4, 2006

Quote: The Crow

There's a place where the restless souls wander. Burdened by the weight of their own sadness, they wait for a chance to set the wrong things right. Only then can they be reunited with the ones they love. Sometimes...a crow shows them the way. Because sometimes...love is stronger than death. --from The Crow: City Of Angels (1996)

September 2, 2006

In The News Today: Dangerous Cow Shot

A motorcycle officer shot a cow yesterday morning after coming to help another officer on a highway near the town of Århus in Denmark. The cow was running around near a crossing and, at one point, the first officer on the scene attempted to block access to the crossing with his own body. The cow came at him and knocked him over onto the asphalt. The situation was deemed so threatening that the second officer drew his gun and shot the cow six times. -------------------- Holy hoppin' horny toads, that morning sure didn't seem to go well for anyone involved......

August 31, 2006

:)My International Proposal

I hereby lay this offer out to any country, company, group or single person that has control of such an amount of financial goodness... There are billions and billions of dollars on this earth and I propose that I be given simply one billion dollars! For this simple single amount of monetary wonderfulness, I promise to constantly do lots and lOtS and LOTS of shopping all over the entire world to help keep companies in business and people employed! This is my proposal to make this world a better place. (I will accept lesser amounts in mere millions also!)

August 24, 2006

In The News Today: Kangaroos On The Pill

Australia's capital, Canberra, is so plagued with wild kangaroos that the government wants to give them pregnancy prevention pills to keep the population down. Australia has an estimated 57 million wild kangaroos and that is simply too many. Although the kangaroo is a protected animal, millions are killed every year. Problems with kangaroos have been especially hard on Canberra where five years of below average rainfall has gotten the animals to seek food in the suburban areas. -------------------- Now there's something you don't hear about very often, being overrun by kangaroos! I guess that's pretty sexy for the males, you know, seeing the females all naked and hopping around all the time. How do kangaroos do it anyway? Maybe they just kinda hold each other and hop up and down 'til things fall into place.......and then get all excited and hop up and down some more when it feels good. LOL Wow, what if that was your job...being sent out to give female kangaroos prevention pills. Okay, so you're holding a big bucket of pills and standing out there waiting for a kangaroo. And when one hops by, you say, "Hey! You have to take one of these pills here!!" The kangaroo hops on. Then you have to chase it. Is that how the job goes? Hmmm, or is it more like all the kangaroos will get tagged on the ear or...I know! They'll have to have collars, pink for girls and blue for boys of course, with a computer chip so they can be tracked by computer. When it's time for the females to have their pill...you go shoot it with a tranquilizer dart, wait 'til she passes out, then shove a pill down her throat. Sheesh...poor girl... Or...maybe they'll just put some food out with crushed pills in it for all the kangaroos to eat. But........doesn't it do something to the males to be eating those pills? Anyway, fascinating news story. Nice break from all the stuff about war and terror and kidnapping and politics. Sometimes I'd just much rather be thinking about kangaroos......

August 23, 2006

10 Ways To Know If You're Drunk

You know you're drunk when... *You listen to "Undiscovered" by Ashlee Simpson over and over and it almost brings tears to your eyes 'cause you can relate so well and you think it's such a beautiful song. *Even though your ex cheated on you (or was planning to) and you broke up ages ago, you're thinking of sending an SMS to say you still love her/him and you're really truly sorry for all the dumb stuff you did. *You're at work and seriously contemplating peeing in a corner somewhere so you don't have to bother walking to the bathroom. *You're at work and did pee in a corner somewhere. More than once! *Suddenly your mouth just makes way too much saliva and it's absolutely necessary to spit on a regular basis. *You're thinking of going up to one of your co-workers and just casually ask if they'd like to have sex with you sometime. *You're thinking if you grab some mildly cute co-worker on the ass, she'll/he'll get all turned on and drag you off to the bathroom for a quickie. *You're staring off into space wondering where you can score some weed (even though maybe you've never tried it) and then daydreaming about how it would be totally awesome if heroin came in pills and you could buy them really cheap at the supermarket! *Sitting on your ass doing absolutely nothing is suddenly somehow wildly amusing, really fun and just generally quite stupendously entertaining! *You're at work wondering...what ever happened to nap time?!! Seemed so dumb way back in the day. (When was that anyway? Preschool?) But now...like, damn, what a brilliant idea! Come on, it's not just me, is it? It happens to you too, right? Hee hee hee...

August 19, 2006

In The News Today: Alicia Keys

Most men would be patient if, in the long run, there was the potential for getting it on (excuse the highly technical news term) with Alicia Keys. And that's the way it was for the singer's current boyfriend. He had to wait 365 days before they got it on. "I let him wait for a year because my body is too beautiful to be taken advantage of by someone that doesn't deserve it," she said in an interview with Contactmusic. If it was worth the wait, anyone interested will have to ask songwriter Kerry Brothers about that. -------------------- A year?!! Finally took pity on the dude, huh.LOL Well, I don't know if that story is true or if there were other guys that did get somethin' during that time. (I'll tell ya, it sure got me thinkin' this kinda seems like maybe this is the updated version of when Britney stated whe was a virgin. Ha ha.) True or not...hey, I don't want it to be a secret that, uh, you know...I can be had on the first date!!! It's not likely I'll make any interested girl go around wondering and waiting for that long! Nope...no worries with me, just make a move on me......anytime............please! LOL.

August 17, 2006

Life In The Bush Of Ghosts

"All kinds of snakes, centipedes and flies were living on every part of his body. Bees, wasps and uncountable mosquitoes were also flying around him and it was hard to see him plainly because of these flies and insects. But immediately this dreadful ghost came inside this house from heaven-knows-where his smell and also the smell of his body first drove us to a long distance before we came back after a few minutes, but still the smell did not let every one of the settlers stand still as all his body was full of excreta, urine, and also wet with the rotten blood of all the animals that he was killing for his food. His mouth which was always opening, his nose and eyes were very hard to look at as they were very dirty and smelling. His name is 'Smelling ghost'. But what made me surprised and fear most was that this 'smelling-ghost' wore many scorpions on his finger as rings and all were alive, many poisonous snakes were also on his neck as beads and he belted his leather trousers with a very big and long boa constrictor which was still alive." --An excerpt from My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts, by Amos Tutuola, published in London, 1952. LMAO. Hee hee hee, I saw that and it cracked me up! Then I was wondering, like, holy freakin' horny toads, what kind of crazy sh*t did people write about back then?! Even funnier...at first, I thought it was supposed to be true!!! (But, no, it is fiction.) Another quote: "I was escorted before her on this day and stood before her as if I had been dissolved into vapour or no more alive and also dreaming of her terrible, dreadful, ugly, dirty appearance without sleeping." LOL. Hey, I'd quote some more but that's all I have. Wow, who knows, maybe it's a cool book! LOL

August 15, 2006

Prejudice

I saw a program on TV recently about overweight people, I mean realllllly overweight, people weighing hundreds of pounds. And it got me thinking things like...sometimes I feel fat and feel like my body is hanging or bulging where it shouldn't be and it has even gotten to the point some days where I'm not comfortable/worried about going out. I see those people and I have a sense of how bad they wish they could look like me and how happy they would be if they did! Sometimes I think I might have a problem with food and maybe it's out of control but...whatever my problems are, it's certainly nothing compared to some other people! I saw part of another program about people with disfigured faces and their problems and daily struggles. I know how I feel and how I'll get upset if a stubborn pimple shows up in the wrong place. But, like, oh my God, what if one side of your face is sagging. Permanently! Or what if your nose is gone or you have a lump on your face the size of a tennis ball?! I don't even want to get too far into imagining what it would be like to go out looking like that. Ha ha, I worry sometimes about how I look as it is. And that, of course, seems absolutely ridiculous right now! I've been thinking about how important looks are and how judgmental people can be. Something I found very interesting though...the people that were focused on in those programs all had people that loved them. They were married or had a girlfriend or boyfriend or at least family and friends. And I'm thinking things are hard enough when you look normal! If my face was deformed or I weighed 400 pounds, I can't imagine anyone would ever love me or want to be my friend or even want to get to know me. But...apparently, there are people that can see past appearances. And that amazes me. I was thinking about prejudice in general. I remember when I was in my early teens and in school we really got into the subjects of racism and slavery. I thought about it deeply. I was outraged! I was furious. I was sad. Heartbroken. I used to go to the library and check out books and read more. Mostly about the black civil rights leaders and their lives and what they were dealing with. The word prejudice was used a lot and back then I pretty much equated the word prejudice with racism. And I felt so proud that I didn't judge people that way! It wasn't 'til years later I fully discovered and realized that racism is only one form of prejudice! There are so many!! And everyone has them to some degree or another. As I learned more about those other forms, I realized I'm not at all free of it and have no reason to beam with pride. You can be prejudiced against old people, young people, overweight people, skinny people, beautiful people, ugly people, poor people, rich people, people who dress a certain way, people who don't dress a certain way, people on welfare, people who have a certain kind of job, handicapped people, people in prison, people who have nice cars, people who drive cheap old junky looking cars, people who believe in a particular religion, people who take drugs, gay people, and the list goes on and on and on. I saw things in those TV programs that really made an impression on me. And it wasn't seeing freakishly overweight people or bizarre face deformities or even the typical reaction from other people. What really made an impression on me are things like how a teenage girl with a deformed face (it was sagging on one side) actually had a boyfriend! And he would stick up for her and he loved her!! Even though she put a lot of time and effort into her appearance, she would wonder sometimes why he stayed with her when there are plenty of other girls out there that didn't seem to have anything wrong with them. But, it was like he didn't even see the deformity. He said it was noticeable, sure. But he said that wasn't important. What was important to him was who she was as a person. And that blows me away. I'm not even sure I can comprehend it. Wow, to think there are people out there that could see past a deformity like that and still want to get to know and be with that person (no matter what anyone else says or thinks)! In comparing myself to that...I am completely ashamed of how much value I place on looks (and how worried I am how others will judge me) when I know what is truly beautiful is to be able to see beyond that, to place value on who that person really is underneath their appearance. That is what's beautiful. Mostly, I don't have a lot of prejudices but in a few areas I am very disappointed with myself. I don't know that I can change, but I am aware of the problem. I do think about it more and more as time goes on. I guess that's a start. Just some thoughts buzzing and rumbling in my head lately...

August 13, 2006

Jus Whundering...

Du U ehver whunder whut thuh werld wud b liyk ef ehvreewuhn roht werds hou theh sohnded? Iht luhks vehree ihntresting, dusnt iht? U shood trI eht! Hah hah hah, du thiz ahl dAeh!!!

August 10, 2006

Imagine

Something I've been thinking about...how easy most girls have it when it comes to getting a date, getting someone to show interest, getting some kind of contact, actually having a sex life... So, hey, girls, just try to imagine how different it would be if you were a guy. How would it feel to know...to know for sure that where ever you go, whatever you wear or how you do your hair, no one of the opposite sex will approach you that day with intimate thoughts in mind. And...in your life you will rarely, maybe even never, experience a stranger coming to you and showing sexual interest. Could you imagine that? Could you imagine living year after year, your whole life like that? That's how it is for most guys! Just imagine...

August 8, 2006

Something Beautiful:o)

Today on my way to work, I saw the cutest thing! I was riding my bike on a path in this sort of nature area and there was this beautiful little girl heading in my direction, prob'ly 'bout 9 years old or so, in this adorable white skirt, walking this tiny tiny lil dog. It was sUcH a sweet vision, I wish I had a picture of it. Anyway, as I rode by and we passed each other, I gave her a little smile. She looked at me with such pretty eyes and, after I passed by, I got to thinking intensely about how I wanna get married and have kids!! Sigh... I want a daughter!!!!

August 8, 2006

Vodka: 10 Things I Think About When Drinking It

1. Vodka is the greatest invention ever!!! 2. Toilets are so useful! (The second best invention ever!!) 3. Why does it make me so hungry? 4. Amazing how you can just sit and do absolutely nothing and totally enjoy yourself. 5. If I left early from work, would anyone notice? 6. (Well, see, er, uh...I wrote this list yesterday when I was slightly wasted and apparently I forgot a number 6. Bizarre! I was completely 100% sure I had a full list here. I'm also on the verge of being shocked how messy my handwriting was! I don't remember it being like that!!) 7. It's probably a good thing I don't have a car. 8. I think I have to pee. Again! 9. I really really want to eat something! But I'm trying not to 'cause I know it will diminish the high I have right now... 10. Uh oh...it's almost gone... Can anyone relate?

August 3, 2006

:-D My Happy Day!!!!

Those young noisy ugly stupid neighbors that live right over me are MOVING!!!!!!! Oh my God! I've waited over 2 years for this!! And, now, finally, at last, they are f***ing leaving!!! They were the noisiest people ever in this building, the absolute worst neighbors I've ever had, just the noisiest stupidest most inconsiderate disrespectful thoughtless neighbors ever and they are LEAVING!!!!!!!!!! Come on, someone do the Snoopy dance with me!!! Oh...yes, good times are ahead...good times... I can't imagine any neighbors could be worse than that! Ah...soon will be blissful silence...... This is what I need...one of my biggest wishes came true today......... Now, can I pick who moves in up there next?! Oh, how I wish I could. I vote for a really old small single person who hates music, never has parties and doesn't get up much! Hee hee... Sigh...I have a really nice apartment but...I so dream of having a house someday... Anyway, well, the way things B, this is the best thing that could happen...those freaking noisy ugly stupid neighbors that I totally hAtE with every cell of my being are LEAVING, MOVING, soon all GONE!!! That is beautiful news, truly beautiful...... ...amazing....fantastic.......totally SWEET! An event with orgasmic implications and dissolving so very very many frustrations... Oh my God, it's a tRuLy beautiful thing!!!!!!!!!!

July 27, 2006

In The News Today: Snake Crawls Out Of Package

A 28 year old woman created panic at a post office, in the German town Mechernich, after having sent a 1.5 meter long albino python snake by mail. The woman had sold her snake over the internet and wanted to send it to the new owner in a package marked "glass". Employees at the post office were somewhat frightened when the package suddenly began to move and a big snake wormed its way out of it. One of the postal workers managed to catch the snake. Snakes in the mail aren't forbidden, but the woman is being charged with animal abuse. -------------------- Hee hee...sounds like an exciting day at the post office! No doubt a story that will be talked about for years to come. Well, I'll tell ya, some @#¤£&€%! neighbors started blasting music at 9am and woke me up this morning. WTF?!!! I'm off this week, I was sleeping! I'd sure like to send them a box of snakes! (No return address, of course.) A whole bunch of little ones with big fangs! Deadly bloodthirsty human hating ferocious beasts that would jump out of the box right on their stupid ugly faces and bite and chew and chomp and swallow all the skin off!!!!!! Yeah! That would cheer me up!!! Yeah...ha ha, cool, and the little snakes would eat off their ears and crawl in their retarded heads and eat their brains! But, not all of it. They'd leave enough so that these neighbors would still live...with all the skin on their faces gone and their ears totally gone and just enough brains left to keep them alive to live long enough to be able to look in the mirror...... ...and when they looked in the mirror, they'd be so sick, they'd vomit all over themselves and their whole apartment and that would be mixed with the blood dripping down off their silly chewed up heads... ...and at night when they slept (see, they didn't have the brain power to call anyone or go out!)...flies would come and lay eggs in their heads and soon they'd be all covered in maggots and there'd be blood and pus and barf everywhere and when someone finally finds them, they'll be laying in a huge puddle of vomit and blood and maggots and pus and be all half dead, no, more than half dead and after they move far away and have years and years of operations, they'd just look like walking dead Frankenstein monsters and not all the fly eggs and maggots could be removed and they kept coming back and then one night these neighbors die 'cause the maggots ate the rest of their rotting worthless brains......

July 13, 2006

In The News Today: Children's Pets Died In Arson

Three horses, two mules and a number of sheep and rabbits died when a stable in a field in the town of Vejle, Denmark, burned down last night after being set on fire. The police are searching for two young men that are suspected of setting fire to the stable. "We were lucky enough to save one horse and some rabbits. But we could hear the slamming of the horses hooves in their death struggle. It was not pleasant," says Police Inspector Morten Bonde. The stable was a part of a recreation center for children and many of the rabbits were the children's own. -------------------- My eyes watered up after reading that. And later it brought me to tears for several minutes thinking about it. Out of all the terrible things that happen, after all the hundreds and hundreds of people I've read about in the news that died this year, plane crashes, natural disasters, horrifying child rape cases, acts of violence, somehow this bit of news I saw today is the absolute saddest thing I've read in a long long time...the one story that made me cry ... It totally breaks my heart......

July 10, 2006

In The News Today: Another Python Loose

Earlier this month, a lost 3.5 meter python snake created nervousness in the Sønderborg area of Denmark. It was later found in a stereo speaker in the owner's apartment. (Like, damn, must've been one big ass speaker!) Since it is illegal to have such a pet, it was removed and brought to a zoo. Then last night, another python disappeared in the same area. A shocked man called the police, shortly after midnight, saying a large python snake was on his living room table in his apartment. When officers arrived at the apartment, in the town of Nordborg, there was indeed a 2.5 meter long tiger python hissing aggressively. The snake belonged to a 23 year old neighbor in the building and he can now look forward to a fine, since the snake is not allowed as a house pet, informs the Sønderborg Police Department. -------------------- What do you feed a snake that big anyway?! Kittens? I don't imagine you can teach it where to poop. So...like...ewwwww! You can't potty train it and what about when it sheds its skin......like, total triple ewwwwwww! You can't really take it for a walk, I don't think it wants to play ball. Hmmmm, can you snuggle with a snake? Wouldn't a big fish be a better idea? Hell, you can have several, they're also quiet and they won't try to go exploring outside the apartment bothering neighbors, won't poop on the floor or the furniture, won't shed skin...sigh...why didn't dude just get some fish?! Pet food would be so much cheaper and less bother, that's for sure! Oh, yeah, right...it doesn't really sound that impressive bragging to your friends you have fish...... And what about girls...hmmm, then he'll lose his favorite pick-up line, "Hey, baby, wanna see my snake? It's two and a half meters long!" (Ha ha ha, notice I'm leaving out the part that when I was a teenager, well, more like 11 or so, I had a snake! It was just a little thing though, a foot long maybe. It ate goldfish. I wanted it 'cause it was kind of exotic and cool and different. And I knew it would impress my friends.)

July 10, 2006

In The News Today: Hand Wave Set Off Expensive Rescue

In Norway, a man waved to his girlfriend during a swim in a lake and set off a huge rescue mission near the town of Hankø. Witnesses on land thought that the man's wave was a cry for help. The rescue team immediately put every resource in motion to save the man. Two rescue helicopters and a diver team for the fire department were sent out to help him. The man contacted the police himself when he realized that it was his wave that set off the rescue mission. -------------------- Too funny!!! Good God, how embarrassing to be that guy. Ha ha. (If it were me, I'd just about drown of embarrassment!)

July 5, 2006

In The News Today: Python Snake Loose

A python snake disappeared last night from an apartment in Sønderborg, Denmark. Police are asking for help to find it again. The owner discovered suddenly last night that the three and half meter () long python was gone. The snake isn't dangerous to adults, but the police are advising caution. In a hungry state, it can consume a cat or dog and in a worst case could harm small children. Therefore the police are asking everyone in the area to keep an eye out for the snake and call if they see it. -------------------- Oh man, and in all the heat I was worried about flies and mosquitos and spiders getting in through the open windows. Wow, what if you woke up one morning...or worse, in the middle of the night with a strange uninvited three and half meter python in your bed. I'm not particularly afraid of snakes, but...yikes, that might be as bad as finding a really big spider (you know, those thick dark ones that look the size of lil tarantulas ...those freak me out!!!!)...

June 29, 2006

Slightly Kind Of Wasted

Have you ever been kind of wasted at work, you're totally relaxed, calm, the ceiling looks sorta like it's on a conveyer belt (so cool!), your face feels like it's about to start dripping on the floor (delightfully freaky!) and then someone (hopefully not the boss!) comes up to you and asks a question or wants to make conversation and you have to muster and pull all your energy and concentration together to look normal but you're really thinking how totally freakin' rude of anyone to interrupt you during happy hour? ---------- Remember the Rothchilds candy commercials? "Not now, I'm right in the middle of a Rothchilds." Well...not now, people, I'm right in the middle of happy hour!! Go away, shoo, be gone and let me enjoy my lil mind warp meditation break.........

June 11, 2006

In The News Today: Bull Loose

A 350 kg. (over 700 pounds) bull escaped and was touring the town in Kalundborg, Denmark, yesterday morning. On Holbækvej (name of a Danish street), it rammed a car, but that wasn't enough to stop the bull. Afterwards, he pointed his horns in the direction of a row of nearby colony gardens and tore through that. The police found the animal in an industrial area, where a veterinarian had been called in. The vet shot the animal with a tranquilizing dart so the bull could be brought home after his tour of the town. -------------------- Hmmm, does insurance cover a car getting rammed by a bull? And, okay, so, you shoot the animal with the dart, it's laying there on the ground, then what? It's not like the owner can come down and say, "Oh, you silly thing!" and just throw it over his shoulder and take it on home. Ha ha, so the cops are standing around saying, okay, you pick it up, no, you pick it up, no, let's get Mikey! He'll pick it up... Maybe the owner was, like, kind of tired of the bull. After all, he seems kinda destructive. Maybe the owner was trying to get rid of it. He opens the gate and says, "Okay, boy, you're big now, go, be free! See ya!!" Uh oh...I guess that didn't work. I wonder if the bull has a name...'cause, well, how 'bout Boomer...short for Boomerang...hee hee... Or, hmmmm, is there an Indian name that means something like "Playful Kitty"...

June 11, 2006

In The News Today: Fastfood Can Make Children Nearsighted

The number of children that are nearsighted is rising explosively over the world and research points towards there being a connection between processed food with a lot of carbohydrates and nearsightedness. "Fastfood gives a huge rise in the blood sugar. It gets the body to produce more insulin that is tied to growth. One becomes nearsighted because the eye grows and gets too long and therefore it is likely that there is a connection between diet and nearsightedness," explains professor Ernst Goldschmidt that has researched nearsightedness for 40 years. -------------------- Wow, is that why children stay home these days playing with the computer and video games instead of going out to play more? "There's something outside?" a kid asks, looking out the window. "Where??!" Ah, yeah, it all makes sense now, huh. In the future, no one wants to drive anymore, everyone wants to work at home, order in, talk to someone over a computer...'cause then you can put your face up to a screen and maybe prob'ly see who you're talking to......

June 7, 2006

Work :S

Having to get up early...is just plain eViL. It's a truly horrible thing. And you're supposed to do it 5 days a week?! Sigh...... I live in an apartment building, so, I must admit, I'm so thankful and glad the neighbors have to get up early. That means they'll go to bed earlier and the night will be quiet. Should I try getting a note from my doctor that says it's really difficult for me to get up in the morning so...I don't have to anymore? Yeah, okay, there's a thing called the evening shift and even a night shift but...see, in the evenings, I'm busy with stuff like dinner, my workout, watching TV, relaxing, you know?! And then if I ever wanna get anything done besides sleeping, I'd have to get up early to do it. Besides, you know how it is trying to sleep when everyone else is up...suddenly everyone within 20 miles wants to start up chainsaws and chop down trees and hammer something and yell and build fleets of arks or something. Anyway, so after the grueling event of waking up enough to get out of bed in the morning, which takes a minimum of 3 alarm clocks, I get in the shower, brush my teeth, get dressed and get to work...sort of on time, kind of, well, a few minutes late at minimum. And...you know, it was hard! Some recognition would be nice. A small parade maybe. Some bears and tigers or something. I like animals. How about giraffes! It's been a long time since I've seen a giraffe. How 'bout some zebras too, some elephants and...I don't know, other interesting animals I haven't seen in a long time. It's probably too early for clowns and drums. Please, no drums! And, yeah, too early for clowns jumping around. So, yeah, a quiet animal parade maybe. Come on, I'll settle for a few cows! Too much bother? Okay, well...how 'bout...cute naked girls...dancing for me and giving me $50 bills...that would be really nice and it would help me wake up. I would really look forward to that every morning. I go through all the trouble of getting up and...there's no parade or naked girls or anything! No one even seems concerned for me. I mean, someone could offer a nice mattress on the floor in a quiet room somewhere where I could take a little snooze for a couple of hours. At least that would be something. I don't even get that. No congratulations...nothing at all. Well, a few people might say "good morning". Luckily, I don't think about the words or their meaning, just the tone. If I did think about it, I might throw things at people (if I weren't so tired) or beat them over the head with something (...if I weren't so tired). Then, after my arrival and no parade, no cute naked girls, nobody handing me $50 bills, and possibly a few daring greetings...although, yeah, I'll have to admit a cheerful "good morning" is a lot better than hearing everyone moaning "bad morning" or "work sucks" or "can we go home yet". I'd much prefer "good morning" then and the smiles and all that. Oh yeah, so, after doing the horrible terrible torcherous grueling hellish getting up in the morning thing and getting to work and nobody seeming to understand that was a really major freakin' task.......then..........the boss wants me to do stuff! Good grief!! How rude!!!! Like, are you out of your mind?!!! Do you know how early it is?! Jeez, what kind of way is that to encourage people to get up and get to work?! I got up, I got there, now I have to do stuff too?! Too cruel... Like, okay, boss, but...then we gotta get somethin' happenin' with this nice cool vodka fountain idea I have...and a nap room. We'll call it The Powernap Room, how's that? The Powerbreak Room maybe? And we need young nude girls giving private massages 'n stuff during breaks, more compliments when we do something good. I don't think it's right we only hear comments when something goes wrong! More money...and, no, boss, 5 cents more an hour is NOT generous or anywhere near what I mean!!! Sigh... Hee hee. Hmmmm, maybe I need a new job...like, some kind of union representative or something. Hey, okay, everybody, send me lots of money to join my union and I will travel the world talking to employers and suggesting gReAt ideas for an improved work environment... Wow, cool, I could work my own hours, travel, pay other people to go to the meetings...... Okay, workers of the world! Unite!! Send cash and let's do this! $20 for a full year membership $50 for 5 years $100 for a lifetime membership Help me get some sleep in the mornings!

May 30, 2006

Song For Your Ex

What song best describes your last relationship? (Or current relationship. Or what songs make you think of your ex or the person you're with now?) -------------------- For me..."Cry Me A River" by Justin Timberlake. That one describes best what happened with my last relationship. I'm not really a Justin Timberlake fan (so, let's not have any assumptions popping up about that!), but my ex was. The original version is alright for a pop song but the Bill Hamel Justinough Vocal Remix...that version is one of my favorite workout songs! Kinda weird how my ex was crazy about the original version and the video, but I didn't really pay attention to it until I found the remix. I played it for her one night to see what she thought of it. She really liked it and asked me to play it a couple more times. I had no idea then how that song would become a true story for us.

May 20, 2006

In The News Today: Fake Zebras :-P

An Egyptian man's firm sold 15 zebras to a small local zoo for just under $4,300. Awhile later it began to rain and the characteristic stripes on the animals disappeared, reports the paper Al Akhbar. A veterinarian was called in and had to inform the zoo owner the dismal news that the animals were all donkeys that had black stripes applied. -------------------- (Well, I was thinking of what to say and here's what I came up with...) *Hee hee hee...hate it when that happens...... *Okay, everybody, let's be careful out there when purchasing zebras! *Hmmmm, like, damn, talk about a bad hair day...... *Didn't something like this happen to Michael Jackson? The lighter his skin got, the less he was respected and valued...... *The donkeys will remember it well...ah, yes, the day they got dressed up and went out and strutted their stuff and were adored and loved by all... Fade out to "The Way We Were" by Barbara Streisand... (Or maybe..."I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred...? "The Look" by Roxette...? "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head"? "I Love A Rainy Night"? Or should we make an official list and hold a vote over which song would be the best to fade out with?)

May 20, 2006

In The News Today: Terrorist Joke

A retired Danish school teacher had to admit that one should not joke about being a terrorist, reports the British television station BBC. At a court in the Scottish town Aberdeen, the Danish man was sentenced to pay a fine of 500 pounds (1 pound is worth about 2 dollars) after being arrested in the airport where he was waiting for his flight back to Denmark. When the 67 year old Ole Schov from Allinge, Denmark, in connection with check-in was asked by airport personnel if he had anything dangerous in his baggage, the answer was, "I am a terrorist, I have knives." He explained later that it was supposed to be a joke. -------------------- Well...I thought it was funny! (However, this certainly isn't the first time I've read about people getting into serious legal trouble over such "jokes". So, I'm not gonna do it. But, hey, if anyone else wants to go for it...I'll laugh!)

May 20, 2006

In The News Today: Thrilling Assignment

(Have you heard this one?) Students at an American high school recently received a rather unusual assignment from their teacher. "Write an essay about who you want to kill most...and how." One student from the school in St. Joseph, Minnesota, was not so enthusiastic about it and went to the principal who then called the teacher in for a talk. Michael Maxwell, the teacher, later explained he had made a terrible mistake and regretted it. But he couldn't give any explanation about the idea itself, writes Star Tribune. -------------------- Yikes!! Depressing assignment. And if you get an "A"...what does that mean...? And what class is that anyway?! Terrorism 101? And, yeah, how did that idea come about? I could possible imagine it as an on the spot, spur of the moment kind of thing. I just don't see how a teacher could've put any thought at all into it and still suggest it...unless he was high on something... That must be the wildest essay assignment I ever heard of......holy cow...

April 8, 2006

In The News Today: Buy My Soul

A young Chinese man tried recently to sell his soul. Not to the devil but to the highest bidder. The guy from Shanghai set his untangible item for sale on the popular Chinese auction site Taobao and received several offers before the auction was stopped. "I have no use for it (the soul) and will therefore give it to someone that does," was the explanation to South China Morning Post. The top offer reached about 86 dollars, but the story reports nothing about the potential buyer. -------------------- Oh, I know! Can I sell an airkiss? (Well, no, prob'ly not me, but a girl could, I'm sure!) Maybe...good wishes? Anyone wanna buy some prayers? I know...some love from my heart! Hmmmm, those things aren't worth as much as a soul but, on the other hand, hey, I can sell over and over and over...... Let's see...um, I have autographs from any star you want!! It's just, you know, in invisible ink. I've got tickets to heaven. Show one to God after you die and get up there and no matter what you did in your life this ticket guarantees admission! The ticket has no physical form, however, 'cause you can't take anything physical with you but I can send 'em to whoever wants to buy 'em! Oh yeah, I have an invisible friend for sale!!! Exotic invisible pets too. And I have cute lil aliens for sale. Yep, from outer space! They only appear when they want though, otherwise they like to be unnoticeable to the human eye.

April 1, 2006

In The News Today: Steal Koala Bears...

A group of Australian criminals returned home with the wrong loot after visiting the zoo in Rockhampton one night recently. The criminals wanted to get ahold of the zoo's koala bears, but the koalas put up such a fight that the attempt was given up. Instead, they set their sights on a crocodile. With great difficulty, they managed to get it over the two and half meter fence. Unfortunately for the thieves, the crocodile isn't worth much. "I don't understand how someone could say, well, we didn't get the koala so let's steal a crocodile instead," says animal caretaker Wil Kemp to The Sydney Morning Herald. -------------------- Hee hee hee... That story totally cracked me up, man! Sheesh...man's new worst fear...the mighty ferocious koala bear!!! Hee hee...in the news today, new research shows that koala bears may be much more deadly and dangerous than crocodiles...... Oh, oh! When's the movie about killer koala bears coming out?!

March 26, 2006

In The News Today: Dog Food Healthier Than Fast Food

It's healthier to get yourself a can of dogfood or catfood than go down to the local burger or pizza place. Food for pets contains less fat, less salt and less sugar than fastfood. That is the result of the British global food testing laboratory, according to the newspaper Sunday Times. Thirty types of fastfood and fifteen types of animal food were tested. 100 grams of catfood, for example, contains only 1/8 of the fat there is in 100 grams of Kentucky Fried Chicken and only 1/3 of the fat there is in 100 grams of a Bic Mac burger or 100 grams of pizza from Pizza Hut. -------------------- Somehow, I don't imagine anyone will make the switch. So, how 'bout a test where some dog food gets fried up in fat and salted...put on a burger bun maybe, with the usual burger toppings...what would people think of that I wonder. How 'bout Kentucky Fried Dog Food Nuggets...? Oh, right, it's supposed to be low-fat. Okay...a new low-fat surprise pizza topping...consisting of cat food, of course, but only know as The Low Fat Surprise Topping! Only half the price of the other toppings for the next 30 days!!! So...you wanna lose weight? Try the latest craze...The Cat Food Diet! Guaranteed to work!!!! All the superstars are doing it!! Nope...still don't imagine anyone making the switch. I bet your dog would totally love it though if you traded dinners! Go on, take those daily bowls of dogfood and give the nice doggie your fried chicken and burgers...hee hee...doggie heaven... Oh, yes, now I can just imagine dogs all over the world proudly approaching their owners with the test results info hanging out of their mouth...and at the bottom it says something like...trade dinner tonight?!

March 23, 2006

In The News Today: Men Afraid To Ask Directions

Many men and women have difficulty reading a map, but the men's stubbornness means that they'll wait 20 minutes before asking someone for help. Women wait only half as long before they acknowledge that assistance is necessary. This is the result of research done by RAC, a British insurance company. In Great Britain, the men's unwillingness to give up their pride leads to a waste of 5.9 million hours a year finding their way somewhere. -------------------- LOL. Well, hmmmmm, I don't remember ever asking for directions. (I am very stubborn that way!) But I do alright with a map!!

February 28, 2006

		:)The Beach
		I watched The Beach last night. That's one of my favorite movies. It would make my top 20 list for sure anyway. I can't remember if that's the second time I saw it or the third. Interesting how some movies you can see again a few years later and see it in a different way, notice more of the details, pick up on different things... Well, besides going on about the girl (seriously perfect dreambabe!), it got me thinking about all kinds of things, like...how far would you go to keep a secret...? And interesting how people are so bad at keeping secrets! What makes people want to talk to other people and tell their secrets? I don't quite get it because I don't talk to many people. The people I do choose to talk to are people I like a lot and their secrets are always safe with me. And I don't mind being alone. I could be absolutely fine not talking for days or weeks at a time without even thinking about it. It's not like I'd ever get desperate for conversation and let a secret or two slip out of need, excitement or desperation to please somebody. I just find it weird and even amusing how so many people can't hold in a secret and even if they just met some person, they may be bursting to tell someone, anyone! I was thinking about my apartment too and how I very carefully have chosen the color of everything, how I carefully have chosen a place for things, how careful I've been not to place too many things in view, how I've given so much thought to every inch of space in every room and how I want it to be. I want where I live to be my own paradise. Everything is arranged just the way I want it. I want my place to be a place to get away, escape from the world and I want it quiet. Being that I live alone...I don't want to know anyone else exists, that's how quiet I like it. All I want to hear are the sounds of nature and the sounds I make. I want to feel like I'm the only person on the planet. That kind of quiet is soooo cool to me, so wonderful, I love that feeling! So, you can imagine if a neighbor starts blasting "music", I am seriously freakin' pissed off!!! Sigh...and all the other noises people make. Like, shhhhh! Well, six apartments in this building and only one set of neighbors I'm not happy with. I guess that's the good news. The bad news is I'm really unhappy with them 'cause they make A LOT of noise sometimes. I truly love it when they go out! I always know when they're gone. It really makes a difference in the building. Now...if they could at least go out more and go to bed earlier and never play loud music again...that would be so nice. And...yeah, what am I talking about now...? I don't know...just thinking out loud here...or something... I want to live in a beach house, something absolutely HUGE, like a beach mansion with no neighbors and my own private beach...maybe have my own small island...my own boat to get back to the mainland to shop. Yeah...my own paradise. And I want to be all alone...until I figure out who I might want to invite. I guess it wouldn't be hard convincing some girl she should come visit me then, huh?! Mmmmmmm, what a daydream...my own beautiful paradise...where I could go out and walk for miles and not see a single other person...the beach...my very own beach...

February 28, 2006

Revolving Door

Now ladies come, ladies go out my revolving door Some ladies never come back Most come back for more I've got a house in the hills with a door that spins Goes in and out out and in 'round and 'round again I live a life these player haters would love to be living Since a kid, I've been surrounded by beautiful women and slippin' in 'em to win 'em The unforgiven Still something's missin' 'Cause deep inside I'm sufferin' of a lonely heart condition Wishing I could find a girl That'll take me away From the chaos of the city and the everyday part that I play Tell me why lay low Why say no When I got girls seranading at my window Ladies good to go We's major league The new breed, no so-so Highly advanced and got the game to get in any girl's pants and romance her stone 'Cause I more than hold my own They call me Shifty Capone I make 'em moan Yes, I'm the one Between these sheets I amaze and stun Ain't no need for me to brag about the way that I'm hung Let's just say I got the skills to get the flyest girl sprung Or to take and make an older lady feel young Now ladies come, ladies go out my revolving door Some ladies never come back Most come back for more I've got a house in the hills with a door that spins Goes in and out out and in 'round and 'round again I keep my girls in rotation Door rotating You lookin' for a good time I'm always on vacation You could stop by, baby if you want to try your luck but don't waste my time unless your down to f*ck Unless you're comin' back for more Well, then, you know what's up You know the routine Girl, you're not the one You're just a one night fling Some ass to hold this casanova over 'til the right girl pass and when the right girl pass I'll drop this lifestyle fast 'Cause what I'm really lookin' for is the one that'll last and make my presence past My adolescence surpassed by the will to chill I'm lookin' for somethin' real in a world of fake hos in high heels I'll drop hot wax on your nipples causin' trouble and when you ride me yo, I'll be throwin' up that triple double My sex drive's kickin' I'm sexually explorin' So many possibilities It seems my life could never get borin' 'Cause I ain't f*cking around I'll rub you down the right way I'll rock your world nightly So, can I hit it lightly? Yo, girl, I like it like that Let me hit it from the back I'm a natural aphrodisiac Better known as a Mac Now ladies come, ladies go out my revolving door Some ladies never come back Most come back for more I've got a house in the hills with a door that spins Goes in and out out and in 'round and 'round again --by Crazytown (2001) Yep...story of my life. Yeah, right. Ha ha...I wish......

February 23, 2006

Nothing:-P

Once upon a time on a cold windy night...out of the frightening dark shadows...appeared...nothing. So, you know, I thought I'd come by even though I have nothing to say. So often, the times I do have something to say, it seems like no one gets what I'm saying anyway. I figured, hey, I might as well be here and have nothing to say. Strange thing is...I bet more people might understand and get it and groove with it if I have nothing to say then if I actually spent some time on something to say. So, yep, here I am with absolutely nothing to say. And kind of curious to see if someone will understand something even though I said nothing. If I say something, it'll probably be passed over as if it were nothing. So, yeah, why not go on about nothing?! Okay, so, now that I came here and went on about nothing, is that suddenly something? Or is it exactly the same as if I actually said something but nobody gets it anyway and it just kinda seems to amount to nothing. Does that mean anything? Hey, maybe a lot of people reading this (ha ha, I know, I know, that's rather presumptuous of me) could relate 'cause they wonder all the time when they write something if that means anything. Wow, is that something to consider? I usually tend to think I'm weird and alone with my preposterous thoughts but maybe we all wonder if anything we say ever means something. Maybe we all try to say something sometime somewhere somehow so it means something to someone and suddenly we could be a someone instead of no one. Are we all no ones trying to be someone? Or maybe each one of us really is someone and everything we say really means something? Is the answer always between the extremes? Should I go on and get deeper into this and try to make this all mean something or should I just go back to talking about nothing? 'Cause I really have a lot of thoughts now about turning this into something. On the other hand, this was all originally supposed to be about absolutely nothing. Sheesh, I could've saved some time and instead of writing about nothing, I could've actually not written anything, not even a single word, now that would be pure and true nothing. Anyway, wow, I guess that's pretty funny if anyone actually read all this way to find out this really isn't saying much of anything. This is it, folks, the end and it doesn't get any better. Well, now you can go see if you can find something else somewhere that actually says something. And, hey, good luck with that! Now you know this one wasn't about anything. Yep, darn, just a whole lot of nothing......

February 18, 2006

Twisted (Dirty Mix)

Twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted Twisted Living in the fastlane life You know I'm living in a way that ain't right Easy money, easy people It ain't evil, it's only twisted Living in a way that ain't right You know we're moving in the fastlane light Dirty money, dirty people We ain't evil, we're only twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted Twisted Living in the fastlane life You know we're living in a way that ain't right Greedy mother, greedy people It ain't evil, it's only twisted Living in the fastlane all the time You know I'm going crazy, losing my mind Big star mother, big star people We ain't evil, we're only twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted Twisted You ain't better than me darlin' You're just as dirty as the rest You're just as filthy as the best You ain't better darlin' I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted We ain't evil, we're only twisted Twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted I get twisted I get so fucking twisted I get twisted by Camel Riders feat. Nkemdi (2003)

February 18, 2006

Beauty In L.A.

We need to be perfect consumers because we appreciate beauty and money buys beauty in Los Angeles Beauty we simply cannot get in nature Beauty superior to nature Beauty that can only be had for money And of course to enhance this beauty, we need drugs Which cost more money And we spend it gladly And then we become depressed Because nothing is quite as beautiful as before anymore And then one day we wake up And we take a drive And we see the sunset with new eyes And we love it by Oliver Moldan (2004) Hmmm...not as cool without the music...darn...

February 18, 2006

Goes Around Comes Around

(Male voice:) I came home from a hard day's work now Found my girl on the floor with a man now Couldn't believe my eyes, lost my mind now Turned around, I walked away to my room now (chorus:) Did you tell her, tell her, tell her? No, I did not What did yo do, you do, you do? Let me think now... What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? (Female voice:) Every day you're away from nine to five now After that, you come home with your work now I keep talkin', seems like there's no one listenin' I found out you got a girl on the side now Did you tell her, tell her, tell her? No, I did not What did you do, you do, you do? Let me think now... What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? (Male voice:) In my room there's a picture on the wall now Took it down and lit a candle by the bed now (Female voice:) Before you do any stupid foolish things now The man you saw is not a man, it's your girl now Did you tell her, tell her, tell her? No, I did not What did you do, you do, you do? Let me think now... What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? What goes around comes around Here you got it, now you got it Whatcha gonna do about it? by Addis Black Widow (2000)

February 17, 2006

In The News Today: Town Expels Men

(From a newspaper last Sunday...) Authorities in the Indian village Vellakadu have asked all the male residents to leave so the women can walk around naked. The expulsion shouldn't be seen as anything against the men, but stems from an ancient ritual. According to the paper The Statesman, the locals are convinced that women who strut around nude bring luck to the town. It is, however, unclear how long the women should do that until they have brought enough luck. ------------------------- So...where are all the men supposed to go anyway? Can you just imagine them all camping out on some nearby hillside with binoculars and telescopes?! I think if this happened in my town, I'd hide from the authorities in the closet when they come by and hope they don't find me. Okay, guys, got any ideas how to make something like this start up in our towns? We gotta modify the rules though!!

February 16, 2006

:-P Housecleaning

If you need to get some housework done, try this... 1. Create a file on your computer. 2. Name the file something like "The Mess In The House". 3. Delete the file. 4. The computer will ask: Do you wish to delete "The Mess In The House" permanently? 5. Click yes.

February 15, 2006

Is Happiness An Illusion?

Maybe happiness is unobtainable, simply an illusion...? How many times in your life have you ever really been happy? How long did it last? As for me, I don't remember being happy for any long period. I can't even remember being happy for one whole day. I've had moments and a happy series of hours here and there and far between...but a whole day? Maybe...it's possible, I suppose, that it happened to me but...right now I don't remember a whole day where I was really happy all day. I might remember something later perhaps. Let's not confuse happiness with being content though. My periods of contentment are much more often the last few years and last longer. Contentment to me is like...not happy, wanting more, but satisfied for now, gliding through the day without too much hassle, living with full faith that happiness will happen in the near future. I have noticed that time goes very fast when I'm content. Days sail on by, weeks flow, months can even zoom on pretty darn fast. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Just sorta thinking out loud, making this up as I go along, but these are the things I've been thinking a lot about... Like, if time seems to go really fast, does that have something to do with happiness? I remember in my childhood...a whole day was pretty long! A week was really really really long!! A month was so long, I couldn't even imagine getting through it. And a year...God, that was worlds away, a freakin' non-stop eternity!!! And now...days are gone in a flash, weeks zip by, months are gone so amazingly fast, even years fly by now! Am I maybe happy and don't realize it? There are some good things in my life now that I'd be very upset about if they were gone. What if a couple of those things disappeared and I got upset and felt bad and I missed them. Would I then start thinking, like, you know, I'd be happy if I could just get those things back! Maybe things are really good and I'm actually happy and I'm not fully realizing it...? Maybe I'm too concerned with society's standard of happiness...meaning, like, a house, a car, a spouse, children, and a good steady income. Is that really happiness? Most of the time, I think I could be happy if I just had a girlfriend. I'd figure out how to get a house later. But...I've had girlfriends...only a few (I'm shy!), but I've had 'em before. Those relationships didn't work out...because, in the end, we weren't happy. So, I think, yeah, but the next one, that'll be the one! Most of the time I actually seriously believe that, but logically, statistically...it's not likely. And...that's a wildly depressing thought!!! I am sure I want a girlfriend though and it's not just because I think I'm supposed to have one. The same with a house and children. But...as time goes on, as I get older, it seems less and less likely that I'll ever have those things...and that freaks me out! More and more I think the chances increase that I won't get married or have children. And what about happiness then? How long am I willing to go on having hope...? What about all the people that have it all, the house, the spouse, the kids, the dog, the good job, the car...are they all happy? I don't think so. I think few of them are. Content probably, but not happy. And what about all the people that have girlfriends or boyfriends...are they all happy? I think few of them are. The times I had a girlfriend, then it was, okay, got that, what's next? Then I want this, that and the other. I simply devote even more time thinking about material possessions as a means to happiness. I keep thinking, well...if I just had that thing there, then I'd be happy. But after I get it...I set my sights on something else! It never stops with material things...like I'm chasing something that can't be gotten, the pot of gold is never big enough... So...maybe happiness is the great illusion everyone's after, but it doesn't exist... What do you think? (Valentine's Day gets me down, man!)

February 7, 2006

Bloom

I found a CD I think is pretty cool...Bloom by Sarah McLachlan, released last year. I listened to it a little yesterday and today. I love her voice but it's not her usual releases I'm interested in. It's only some of the trance remixes that really move me and make me take notice of that gorgeous voice. And that's why I like this CD, it's a whole remix CD!! Wow, put her voice in the world of trance......and then I'm interested, then I can get into it, then I think she is sooo awesome! I think she should do this type of music all the time!!! Well, either that or I wanna hear even more remixes! I was absolutely blown away by her voice back in 2000 with the DJ Tiesto remix of Silence by Delerium. Sarah was the guest vocal. OMFG, that was the hottest best motherf***ing trance song I'd ever heard up 'til then! Over 11 minutes of pure heaven. It was my favorite for months!! The music was way cool but it was that voice that truly totally electrified and amazed everyone listening to trance. She picked up a lot of fans over that remix. She was referred to as "The Voice" by trance fans and DJ's all over, she's that good!!!! I mean, like, holy cow...that is the most dreamy pure floating orgasmic kickass emotional beautiful voice ever in trance music! Something about that voice that seems to be able to reach in the deepest most emotional places of my heart, find the feelings there and express it vocally. Even if her lyrics are vague, weird or don't always make sense...the feeling in that voice is like that of an angel or a Goddess...or of my own heart if it could sing when it hurts and is full of great pain... So, I was quite happy to borrow this CD to hear what was on it...and, oh my God, listening to it got me thinking things like if only singing in all trance songs was this gOOd! And...this should be the standard voice for all club music, I could never get tired of it...that voice is absolute perfection... 1. World On Fire (Junkie XL Club Mix/GM Edit) 6:29 So, I started listening to the first track, remixed by Junkie XL. He's done a lot of remix work plus his own stuff. I've heard a lot by him, but not much of anything that really impressed me enough, so my hopes weren't all that high. But, wow...my eyes watered up...the singing is so so beautiful. I remember this voice, I've missed it, it's just soooo beautiful. This voice takes club music to a new level. Excellent house tune here. This is the perfect blend of singing and music. One can't survive without the other. The music alone wouldn't work for me and the singing alone wouldn't be enough, but together it adds up to something so much more. There's a kind of calmness about it, but I feel it has some real energy too. I'm gonna use it for a workout song. It's probably just the right song to start off a new workout collection. I haven't heard a McLachlan remix since she worked with Delerium back in 2000. So, this is a very surprising and exciting new find for me. 2. Ice (Dusted Mix) 5:46 Beautiful ambient track. Nice to know Rollo (from Faithless) still does remixes. He's much better at this than coming up with his own material. I think he oughta do a lot more of these ambient/trance remixes. Haven't heard anything from him in some time (or Sister Bliss, also from Faithless, who's done some great remix work). Actually, I was starting to think he was washed out and gone but he still has talent and should keep busy doing remixes as nice as this one. Well, just to be fair, I'll mention Mark Bates, another member of Dusted, was also involved. 3. Vox (Tom Middleton Mix) 6:54 Soft club mix. This one's too pop oriented to call it trance, of course. Very reminiscent of Erasure, which is why I didn't like it at first. I liked Erasure in the 80's, but that sound is too primitive to use now. However, it's done here in a more modern way, so maybe I kinda like it. It'll prob'ly make the B list in my Soft Music collection (which originally started off as mostly pop songs I liked but over the years evolved into mostly soft club remix stuff). 4. Dirty Little Secret (Thievery Corporation Mix) 4:00 Remixed by Thievery Corporation! I keep my ears open for anything by them. Sometimes they release some great stuff of their own and I'm even more interested in their remixes. They're always worth checking out! Anyway, so this one is a really amazing ambient track. Definitely makes the A list for my Ambient collection. Dreamy amazing ambient...... 5. Stupid (Hyper Remix) 7:53 Wow, the lyrics...with that music...and especially the singing really got to me on this one. Everything changes, everything falls apart How stupid could I be A simpleton could see that you're no good for me but you're the only one I see Yeah, if only we could fall in love with the right person! Much much too often I have eyes for someone that's all wrong for me, but...one look and my feelings go crazy. I may even know right away the girl is wrong for me but...ugh, stupid feelings seem to always get me all excited over the wrong person!! I so identify with this song...really a great workout song for me. I love it. 6. Train Wreck (Sly & Robbie Mix) 4:38 7. Just Like Me (DMC featuring Sarah McLachlan)(will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas Mix) 5:04 Tracks 6 and 7 don't work for me. 6 is not completely awful but...well, just not good if you ask me. Kinda typical early 90's sounding technopop. And 7...BARF!!! Total barf. Well, actually, it makes sense since this is the only one she didn't write. She was just a guest on someone else's song. 8. Answer (Talvin Singh Mix) 4:24 A soft song. Very soft. Good and sweet, almost like a lullaby. Too soft and mushy for my taste...... 9. Fallen (Gabriel & Dresden Anti-Gravity Mix) 7:58 Well, when I saw a Gabriel & Dresden remix was on this CD, this is the track I was most excited to hear!! And they didn't let me down. (They borrowed a little bit from a great Deep Dish remix of a Delerium song a few years back but...didn't over use it and combined it with their own sound which worked out quite well!) Really cool song. My fav this week. I'm gonna use it for a workout song. By the way, I happened to hear what I think was the original version in a supermarket today. It was pretty good! I'm thinking I should check out Sarah's last couple of CD's and make sure I'm not missing out on something... 10. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (Junior Boys Mix) 6:07 I thought it was too 80's techno sounding at first but...the second time I heard it I liked it more. Still trying to decide if I'll use this track for anything. Very typical 80's techno sound, sounds like The Eurythmics. The singing seems to improve the music a great deal. It might possibly just make the B list on a coming trance collection of mine... Okay...I guess that's it. I'm not expecting anyone here has even heard this CD but...you know, if something moves me, if I'm inspired, sometimes I like to write about it... This is the best CD I've come across in the last few weeks and I absolutely love the way Sarah's voice floats and glides and blooms in the world of remixes...

January 31, 2006

In The News Today: Museum Guest Smashes Qing Vases

A museum in the English university town Cambridge had its main attraction ruined by a museum guest. For 40 years have antique vases from the Chinese Qing Dynasty adorned the collection at The Fitzwilliam Museum. They were displayed on a window sill near a stairway until the unlucky interested guest came walking down the stairs with an untied shoelace, stumbled and brought the vases down in the fall. "They are in very very small pieces, but we will put them together again," says one of the museum's managing curators, Margaret Greeves. -------------------- Doh! Love it when the news makes me laugh. How embarrassing! Darn, no name, no age, just "guest". It had to be a guy, right?! Can you just imagine his picture hanging on a wall somewhere with a big red X through it...? And under it says something like..."Forbidden Guest!" Yeah, then museums all over the world go absolutely crazy with those ropes, you know, that are supposed to distance the public from the objects. And they put up signs all over saying stuff like, "Don't Fall!" and "Are your shoelaces tied?!" and "Keep your arms at your sides at all times!" God, museum coordinators all over must be groaning and rolling their eyes and getting cold shivers over this...

January 27, 2006

Top Model

Anyone else watch America's Next Top Model? Season 5 is being shown now where I live. I've been really into this series, but now I'm starting to wonder if I should watch it anymore. I mean, like, it took me 'til season 4 to really finally get what the hell the judges are after. And now that I finally get it and think I can judge on their terms...I still don't agree with their decisions!!! I have soooo many times had major disagreements with who gets eliminated! I believe it should be, like, around 80 percent based on looks. I believe more in models are born, not made. You either have the look, you have wildly extraordinary beautiful looks or...you don't. But the judges don't judge that way. They judge on several factors that all take equal consideration. I just don't agree! Not only that but there are thousands of girls to pick from to get a group together for one season. And every season I see several girls that...I just don't understand how or why they got picked...'cause they seriously don't have a (bleep!)ing chance of making it! And every season the group is, on average and very noticeably, less beautiful. Now, here it is season 5 and there's only ONE beautiful girl in the group. And to continue the idiocy...there are some straight up ugly girls in the group! Well, okay...bordering on ugly! What on earth is going on??!! So, season 5 is just starting up and I've seen up to the episode where all the girls get their hair changed to some degree. I tend to agree with only half or so of the decisions made on that. This time I agreed with most BUT...the one beautiful girl, Cassandra, with such nice wonderful gorgeous long dark hair...they chopped it all off into a short uneven totally ugly messy look and colored it light blonde!! Seriously, WHAT THE HOLY (BLEEP!)?!! And, of course, the girl was upset when she heard what they wanted to do. Oh my God...poor girl. I almost wish she would've said, like, f*** you and walked off the show. But...she stayed in and let them do it. Yeah, like she said the next morning, "It sucks." Oh my God, I just think this was one of the absolute worst most idiotic disastrous stupidist decisions ever made on that show! What the (bleep!)?! There have been times girls complained or even cried about the proposed hair change and it actually turned out great. A lot of changes in each season I thought sounded too drastic but sometimes it really worked out quite well and I was impressed! There have also been times they totally f*** up some girl's hair and then she gets eliminated early on. That totally sucks! I hope at least this girl Cassandra makes it a long way. There's always at least one girl I'm wildly impressed with from the start that I want to see win, but...my choices generally kinda don't last particularly long. Like, although in season 1 and 2 there were really a lot of tough decisions, I was shocked and upset that some of the more beautiful girls were eliminated early. And I was completely totally outraged about who was chosen at the end. But I was just now thinking of season 3...if you ask me that was easy, Amanda should've won! I was completely fascinated with her from the start. She's absolutely magnetic, magnificent and mercilessly marvellous!! I was definitely moved. In comparison with the others that season, she has a presence that is amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off her whenever she was on the screen and for me...the obvious winner. At least she made it pretty far. She should've been the one though!!! To me, that was an obvious, completely clear, and easy decision... I understand personality means something, social skills, presence, desire, knowing how to walk, being able to handle pressure, knowing how to pose, and all those kinds of things but what good is all that if you don't have wildly awesome beauty in the first place?! Beauty should be the most important factor. This season...Cassandra is hot...or, well, was hot! The rest...you gotta be freakin' kidding me...none of the others has the look, none of the others are even beautiful!! I almost don't care who gets eliminated 'cause if I was a fashion photographer, I wouldn't be interested in any of them! Ha ha ha, so Janice isn't around anymore as one of the judges. I can sure understand why! If I was a judge on that show, I'd leave too! I wouldn't want to be involved anymore. Sigh... I guess everyone has their own idea of beauty. There are, for example, very few top models that I think actually should be top models! Most of the time I'm wondering, like, what's so special about her??! I don't get it. I just don't see it. I know beauty in an instant when I see it, I feel it, it excites me and inspires me, takes my breath away, I'm in awe of it. I'm sure of beauty when I see it and I know I'm right because of the way it makes me feel. It totally freakin' baffles me someone would dare not to be interested in my choice or pick something else that I don't see beauty in. This show is driving me nUtS, man! I'm going crazy. I thought I finally understood it, but even by their rules I still disagree! So...I'll go back to my rules...and disagree even more!!!! I'm pissed off! Stupid judges...open your eyes! At least pick beautiful girls for the show!! That's what got me watching it the first season. And don't f*** up their hair and kick 'em off after a couple of episodes!!! Jeez, what the (bleep!)...... Okay, okay, I'm done. Oh my God, felt so good to get that out......hee hee hee...

January 26, 2006

Lost

Is this the most wicked hot amazing thing on TV or what?! So, they started showing new episodes again here where I live. I live in Denmark, but there's a Swedish channel I've been watching that's a few episodes ahead of Denmark. I've seen up to the episode just after Shannon is shot. And I'm totally bummed out about that. I like Shannon!! She's cute. I really liked that character. Damn. What happened, is this just to mess with the viewers? Did the actress not want to do the show anymore? She got an offer to be in a movie or what? I'm really gonna miss her! I liked Ana-Lucia at first but now...I think she's nuts! She flipped out, man. I'm all for shooting the bad guys but...shooting innocent people...hearing noises 'n stuff, getting freaked and shooting the first stranger you see...damn...that's just nuts... And what's with Kate...all emotional over that jackass Sawyer?! Why do beautiful girls like jackasses anyway??! Damn. Kate's still f***ing hOt and totally sexy and my favorite character and all...but I've lost so much respect for her for liking Sawyer that much... Locke is still really cool. He's a heavy player, I dig this dude's vibe, U know? He a'ight! But...kinda crazy havin' that much faith in the pushing the button thing. And Jack, the doctor, he's always cool to watch, I like him, too moralistic for my taste at times...but I guess that's what makes a good doctor. He found a career that suits him and goes right with his personality. Sayid is a really good guy. He can be cool, he can be caring, he can be moral or go against it, he can stand in the background or take the lead, he pretty much manages to do the right thing in any situation. He's the one I think is the most stable, the one I'd trust the most. It's sad a guy with such a good heart has had all that trouble in his lovelife. Jin is a character I notice and like more and more. He's a cool dude. And Hurley...love that sense of humor he always has and he's generally calm and easy to talk with...so many great characters on that show (I'm not gonna list 'em all though!). It's actually rare I like male characters...but several of them here I really like. And I really like that each character has their own detailed unique background and past. And no character is perfect, each one has their own ticks and flaws and they all make mistakes...just like real people. Of course...there are "the others", that mysterious group, who so far seem like a bunch of horrid evil lunatic weirdos that should be killed on sight. F***ing perverted freaks, man! Anything can happen...so many surprises and developments. Some huge invisible monster might pop out, more bears, maybe those funky numbers come up again, Walt develops special powers maybe, you never know! Or something totally crazy and new could happen at any moment!! I'm so curious to see what happens next!!!! This series is so gReAt! Lost is one of the vErY best most absolute wonderful awesome things on television eVeR! I completely looooove this series!!! Every episode totally rOcKs!! Oh my God, I love it!

January 16, 2006

Obsessed With Cleaning...?

Am I obsessed with cleaning? I not only did the usual weekend cleaning, but put in an extra hour or two 'cause the meter reader guy came today. And during all this cleaning over the weekend, I was thinking things like...I want the meter reader man to leave in f***ing tears wishing he could come home to a place this beautiful and clean! Ha ha. Once a year, a meter reader comes to check all the apartments to see how much heat and water people use. Apparently, I use a little more water than most people (I enjoy long showers kinda frequently!), but a lot less heat...so I get money back every year. In fact, I don't use heat...except for the bedroom...'cause the meter in there never worked and everytime they test it, their tester says it works, so I can use all the heat I want in the bedroom during the winter and it always reads zero, ha ha ha! Anyway, so...I cleaned my place. I do that before anyone comes over, even if it is only the meter reader. I should get an award for cleanest place! I just love a sparkling bathroom and a perfectly clean kitchen, for example. So what if I'm maybe a little obsessed with cleaning. I just love that feeling of walking into any room and feeling pride and satisfaction that everything is just the way it should be. Well, as long as no one looks in cabinets and drawers...hee hee. A few of them are a bit of a mess...but only a bit! Well, the meter reader came and went and I didn't see a single tear. Darn! Hmmmm...maybe he'll be at home tonight reflecting on the day, remembering my apartment...tears rolling down his face. Yeah! Hee hee......

January 5, 2006

		What if...
		What if men had pussies and women had dicks and women were the ones horny all the time and on the hunt? Oh my God, I'd be a total slut and let them f*** me all they want!

January 4, 2006

Butterfly Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing Fierce nipple pierce, you got me sprung with your tongue ring And I ain't gonna lie 'cause you're lovin' gets me high So to keep you by my side there's nothin' that I won't try Butterflies in her eyes and looks to kill Time is passing I'm asking could this be real 'Cause I can't sleep, I can't hold still The only thing I really know is she got sex appeal I can feel too much is never enough You're always there to lift me up When these times get rough I was lost, now I'm found Ever since you've been around You're the woman that I want So yo, I'm puttin' it down Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy I don't deserve you unless it's some kind of hidden message to show me life is precious Then I guess it's true but to tell the truth, I really never knew 'til I met you See, I was lost and confused Twisted and used up Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it My lifestyle's wild, I was living like a wild child Trapped on a short leash, paroled, the police files So yo, what's happening now I see the sun breaking, shining through dark clouds And a vision of you standing out in a crowd Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy Hey, sugar momma, come and dance with me The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me What ever tickles your fancy Girl, it's me and you like Sid and Nancy So sexy, almost evil Talkin' about butterflies in my head I used to think that happy endings were only in the books I read but you made me feel alive when I was almost dead You filled that empty space with the love I used to chase and as far as I can see, it don't get better than this So, butterfly, here is a song and it's sealed with a kiss and a thank you, Miss Come and dance with me Come and dance with me Come and dance with me So, come and dance with me Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy Come my lady, come come my lady You're my butterfly, sugar, baby Come my lady, you're my pretty baby I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy --by Crazy Town (1999)

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